It was thirty-one years ago that she walked around the bar and into my life. Our friends nodded and smiled and knew it would never last. She was rough around the edges, not long out of the military. She smoked and drank and I did neither. I was twelve years older with three children. We both were still living with our exes. Not exactly a match made in heaven.
Our first Christmas 1994
And yet here we are, happier than ever, living our dream together. I’m not saying it hasn’t been work. We’ve learned to accept each other as we are, not tolerance but appreciation. There’s also the art of listening without feeling criticized and taking personal responsibility.
First Valentines Day 1995Wedding photos 1999Legal 2014
We have supported each other through major health crises, spending nights together in the hospital, even in one case, sleeping on the floor.
Back Surgery
All in all, it’s been a ride. Thirty-one years is worth celebrating. We certainly didn’t have a crystal ball that night in the bar when we laughed and flirted. If you’d have asked me if love at first sight existed I’d probably have scoffed. But ask me today, and I’d say yes, but it also takes a lot of damn work.
Whenever we travel, my caffeine addicted wife has to find out where she can get her morning fix. Many hotels have those cute little coffee makers in the room but our basic digs in Portland did not.
Our coffee haunt in Portlandia.
So every morning she got up early to tootle across the street only to return with two fist fulls of large coffees for our morning pick-me-up. On our last morning, my lovely announced upon her return, “I think the barista was hitting on me,” That got my attention and of course I wanted all the deets.
The use of a tried and true pickup line gave it away. “Are you here alone?” We had a good laugh, noting that the wedding ring and two cups of coffee was not a deterrent. I have seen both men and women flirt and/or hit on her over the years. Mostly she is pretty oblivious to how hot she is, having been happily coupled for thirty years.
When we first moved onto our property.She hasn’t aged a bit.
In Austin a few days later we were meeting our niece for dinner. Lisa dropped me off in front of the restaurant and went to park the car. I sat at a tiny table next to two young men, MUCH younger than me. One of them struck up a conversation telling me that he liked my “look”. I didn’t realize that I had a look, but my orange, tiger patterned cane must be the newest fashion statement.
If you are an Instagramer you would know that the latest trend on social media is age disparate couples both homo and hetero. Some have 20-30 years between them. Lisa and I have twelve. Now I don’t really think the guy was hitting on me, but who knows. Maybe I also still have somethin going 😂 on.
In 2018, Clint Eastwood made a movie THE MULE, based on the true story of an eighty something man who became a drug mule to pay off debt and ingratiate himself back into his estranged family. Of course no one suspected for a long time that a grizzled, elderly was moving cocaine.
At the same time Mr Eastwood was making his movie, Lisa and I were driving up Baja California on our way to help out with our new born twin granddaughters. We were stopped continuously while large German shepherds climbed through our truck. Apparently probable cause does not exist in Mexico. Quite the experience.
As time has gone on, twelve years to be exact, our hair has gotten grayer, and the number of random searches in our area have definitely increased. They’re probably due to our proximity to the border with Belize and the general insanity in the world.
Many foreigners get nervous at being pulled over by the military wearing ski masks and toting machine guns. We’ve seen it so often that we hardly pay any attention.
It must be our old white women privilege. We always slow down and wave as they flag us through. Even this week we passed through a new pop-up check point and inquiring eyes peered into the car and waved us on. I always crack jokes that “the drugs are in the back,” to which my wife hisses, “don’t jinx us.”
Apparently we don’t fall into whatever profile they’re looking for. IDK, I think we could make good smugglers. What do you think?
There isn’t a person in the country who didn’t look around their house this week and wonder what they’d do with a fire breathing down on them and the urgent need to evacuate. Grab the animals and the kids, not necessarily in that order, and in some cases not much else.
Emotional Reunion
Then there was the fire fighter, digging through the rubble of his destroyed house to find his wedding ring. And he found it!
Many, us included have donated to displaced families, firefighters, community centers and food distribution volunteers. The homes that burned belonged to both gazillionairs and regular folks. What was once clusters of small towns melded together to create the sprawling City of Los Angeles. Such a sad and daunting task to rebuild.
I have tried several times to stuff a go-bag for each of us. Ours are mostly for trips to the hospital, which happens way too frequently with three older women. Bags must be kept up to date which is a job unto itself.
Once my leg allows me more mobility, the plan is to go through the house and do a thorough clean out. Aging is the fire breathing down our necks and no time like the present to face it,
Healing is not a linear process. To do and not overdo takes trial and error and a lot of finesse. As I begin to put weight on my healing leg, pain and fatigue show up in unexpected ways and places.
In order to respect my body, I’m going to make this week’s blog short and sweet. I thought I’d post some of my artwork, none of which has been produced while I’ve been laid up. Stela has decided that my pens and sketchbook make a lovely place to nap.
Stela our blind pug.One of my first attempts at painting on canvas.A first abstract.CollageMuch of my art is about the Laguna.This one really spoke to me.Mexican singer Lila DownsDark.
After two and a half months of being bound to my bed, and not in a fun way, Lisa and I ventured out of the house three times this week. While it might not seem like much to someone who can stand up and walk to the kitchen, it was a big deal for us.
When we built our house ten years ago, we built a ramp from our front door to the car. Our house itself is on one level but we live on a steep hill with parking up top.
Tropical paradise but not for a broken leg.
In true Mexican style, the ramp was built way too steep and not according to any regulations. Pushing my walker up it this week took strength and self control not to laugh.
Our three outings were 1) to the doctor.
The grey area is bone growth. Yeah.
2) A birthday party and…
Fun dinner with friends.
3) An hour drive to the coast to meet up with friends who were visiting Mexico by cruise ship.
Great friends from Austin.
So to say we are tired is an understatement. The doctor released me to begin putting weight on my leg in a week. Light at the end of the tunnel.
Figuring out how to spend my time as I head into three additional weeks of R & R is a challenge. Thank God for Netflix where I have discovered Korean cinema. With a plethora of drama, romance and horror (I don’t do scary) I’m probably late to the game. Three programs have captured my interest or at least have kept me from loosing my mind.
The Extraordinary Attorney Woo
Attorney Woo to the far right.
My favorite by a mile, Attorney Woo is a young woman entering her first professional job as a person with autism. The program captures attention with drama and sweet romance. It was almost binge worthy but I chose to stretch it out. I do hope they have a second season.
2. Culinary Class Wars
While I’m a sucker for cooking shows, this is my first foray into foreign reality cooking. Dubbed in English, both Michelin star chefs aka white spoons and lesser known black spoons compete in grueling cook-offs. The best one included a mound of tofu. While I didn’t know a lot of the ingredients, I’m ready to pack my bags for a taste-testing trip to Korea.
3) Physical 100
A reality show featuring world class athletes, body builders, martial artists and even actors who go up against each other to prove their physical prowess. I love how the show includes their internal dialogue which features a lot of trash talk and overly inflated self-confidence. As participants are winnowed from 100 to a final winner in both individual and team challenges, there are many exhausting twists and turns. Your ally becomes your enemy in a matter of minutes.
My surgeon has relegated me to bed rest for another three weeks before taking an additional diagnostic X-ray. Plenty of time to continue to explore the world of Korean cinema.
I have made my life’s work studying health with a Master’s Degree in Health Education. Even before college, my bedside table was stacked with books on nutrition and exercise. I know to get enough sleep (however much that is), move my body and eat my veggies. This week I was blindsided by a health challenge that I wasn’t expecting, TEETH!
My mother had beautiful teeth. Unfortunately I didn’t inherit that trait.
I recall as a child walking solo to dentist appointments. Yikes. As an adult, I’ve probably spent a fortune on cleanings, fillings, extractions, root canals, and two bridges. I also had impacted wisdom teeth removed in college. Sadly I am not a candidate for implants.
Broken root.
I use the best electric toothbrush and floss twice daily. So the X-ray that revealed a broken root came as a shock and unexpected expense.
Our fancy new toothbrushes. I love them.Old teeth, young hot dentist.
There’s so much no one has told us about aging. Many people are having knees and hips replaced. I’m having teeth. Call me naive but I never considered that fillings, caps, bridges etc. had a shelf life! Consider yourself forewarned. Take care of your teeth.
My mother-in-law fell this week. To a degree I blame myself. Our car had been in the shop for ten days and we were beginning to run out of fresh food. Shopping list in hand, I called my taxi friend Franklin to meet us on the highway. Alice badly wanted to go and pick up some things, but mostly she was bored and wanted to get out of the house.
Christmas a few years ago.
The short walk from our house to meet the taxi required skirting puddles due to recent intermittent showers. Our road is made from layers of sascab or decomposed limestone which is slick as snot after the rain. I was doing my best to walk along the outer dry edge and expected Alice to follow me. I should have been holding onto her. Then I heard an oomph.
Falling is so hard, literally and figuratively. I should know, I’ve done it enough. My first thought was to take her home. Once on her feet, Alice vehemently declared herself to be “OK”. I knew better, but wanted to avoid an argument. She can be quiet stubborn and vocal about getting her way.
2017 Three hotties.
At the grocery store she insisted on carrying her own heavy groceries until I put my foot down. Still she insisted that she was fine. The next day told a different story.
Last April at a friend’s wedding. The many faces of Alice.
Alice didn’t break anything but there was definitely pain, bruising and regrets, both mine and hers. The end result, was an honest and vulnerable conversation about aging. Alice admitted to something we all experience, feeling younger and more capable than she is. She will be eighty in February. While some people are running marathons at eighty, Alice is not one of them. She is rather frail, as much as she prefers to believe otherwise.
We had a very honest talk. It is so easy to believe the messages that growing old equals worthlessness and being a burden. We begin to loose control as others make decisions for us, something no one likes.
Last summer’s gym rat.
Alice and I came to an agreement. When it comes to matters of health or injury, she will trust that Lisa and I have her best interest at heart. There will be no more arguments or fussing. This is a dance we all get to do. For me it’s important not to get scared but take one day at a time, keep the lines of communication open and most importantly, come from a place of love. We’ll all get through it together.
It’s been a hot one in the jungle of Bacalar, Mexico. We’ve also had rain which has been lovely. Rain cools us off for about five minutes.
Last Saturday was the annual open water swim across Laguna Bacalar. It ended up being more fun than I expected. The sun peaked in and out of the clouds which kept the sunburn to a minimum. I came in fifth in my age group and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I would maybe swim again next year. Don’t hold me to it!
Newly emerged from the water.My friend Maria from Mexico City.
On Monday we took Lisa’s mom to the doctor. She’d been having diarrhea that we couldn’t get under control. In the doctor’s office, Alice had a seizure. Wheels moved quickly and an appointment was made to travel to Merida on Tuesday to insert a pacemaker.
She is such a trooper. ❤️
There is a family history of heart issues and Covid only made things worse. We were aware that a pacemaker would likely be an eventuality. Alice’s success at the gym had made us hopeful that she could avoid the surgery. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be.
Alice and I pulled out of Dodge at five a.m. for the four hour drive. Lisa’s back could not take the long drive and someone had to stay with the dogs. I volunteered to take her. The procedure required one night in the hospital in Merida and another four hour drive home. Life certainly does surprise.
Heading home.
Alice is recovering as am I. The swim plus hours of driving, dealing with the doctors and the hospital really took it out of me. No spring chickens here.
the adventures of dos tortas 
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