the adventures of dos tortas

Grieving Dolly

I was at breakfast with my brother who was visiting Bacalar a few years ago. At my favorite morning haunt I realized that I was sitting in the exact same seat where I last sat with my friend Gabriel before his heart attack and I lost him in my life.

Overwhelmed with emotions I began to cry. My brother responded by directing me to look him in the eye and breathe.

I realized in that moment that Ken was trying to get me to STOP crying. I told him that I was fine with expressing my feelings and didn’t need to stop. He looked at me confused. “I cannot relate.”

Sadly, I think most men and my brother in particular spend a lifetime trying to control feelings. To a degree, so do I.

During Covid, I found myself crying for no apparent reason and it scared me. I managed to get my joy back, which brings us to today.

Why are we so embarrassed by tears? I’ve worked for these emotions and I embrace them.

This week Dolly Parton died. The global tributes, playing her songs and buildings all over the world lit up in pink, had me sobbing.

The world lost a great woman this week. If only we could all be a little more like Dolly, sniff.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: dolly parton, emotions, grief, Inspiration

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Old Friends And New

23 Aug

I moved to Austin in 1974 to attend the University of Texas. The world and Austin are very different places from then.

Lisa and I moved to Mexico in 2013 leaving it all behind for a quiet jungle life. Our children were adults with little time for us and we expected to return for holidays, birthday and visits as we desired.

Our two sons, their dad, DIL, and grandson

6×10 trailer with all our worldly possessions

Then there were the friends who promised to visit. Most never came. No matter where you live today, friendships are hard to maintain. I blame it on the internet that gives us a false sense of connection and covid that locked us in our homes for two years.

Returning to Austin this month for surgery and recovery has given me a chance to reach out to people I haven’t seen in years. The response has been heartwarming. One friend came and brought lunch. Another is driving four hours for a visit.

Then there are Dan and Lisa. We met them on our 2019 cruise through the Panama Canal. They were visiting family in Seattle last week when I casually mentioned, “you could visit.” And they came. We enjoyed a lovely two days chawing away exchanging travel stories and catching up.

They also brought me a gift.

A Stella look-alike until we can return to our pup. ❤️

The bandage is completely off and I can swim in a week. I also start physical therapy on Wednesday. The healing game is on.

Most recent xray (left) and pre surgery hardware removed.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: aging, friendship, healing from surgery, Inspiration, University of Texas

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It’s Good To Have Goals

16 Aug

Surgery last week gave me hope that I will regain my ability to walk, hike and yes, DANCE.

Mom started me dancing at three years old. Those are spray painted tap shoes. Somehow she always found the money.

Dancing to the radio on one of her rare visits to Austin.

Dancing with Mom at her wedding to husband number two. She hated that I wore pants.

1995 Our first Valentine’s Day. A fund raising dance for AIDS Services of Austin. Isn’t she gorgeous in that tux? Boy did I score or what!

I am a week and a half post surgery and not the most patient patient. Thursday I go to see the doctor. I am curious what’s under the bandage and what the x-ray will show.

For the moment it’s pain management and rest. Lisa takes good care of me and friends are trickling by. It’s good to have goals and mine is to DANCE.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: aging, Inspiration, lesbians living in mexico, post surgery

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Surgery US vs MX

9 Aug

This week I had the long awaited surgery to remove the hardware from my leg. It has been two years since the original accident and I had hit a wall with ongoing pain and lack of improvement to mobility.

I am lucky to have health insurance in the US so I chose to travel here for the procedure. I am glad that I did but the difference in care was glaring.

I’ll start by saying that this was my experience and not a generalization of care in either country.

I found care in México to be more humanizing. Doctors and nurses were friendly and not always in a hurry. They did not enter my room trailing a computer with a list of tests to perform.

The US hospital was not a place of rest or recuperation. Sensory overload, with lights turned on and off all night. Anyone that’s ever been in a US hospital expects it. “That’s the way things are”. Lots of rules, no flexibility. It felt like a manufacturing line.

I WAS sent home with a great deal of support. Home health (HH) care came by the house the following day to go over my many prescriptions and answer questions. In the hospital I had multiple people, social worker, OT, PT, nurses, physician’s assistant, giving me sometimes conflicting instructions. I’m not sure how they expect a drug addled, post op, 74 year old to keep it all straight. And yes, I’m playing the age card. Thank God for Lisa. NEVER go to the hospital alone.

In Mexico my surgeon came by my house. The only problem was his treatment was outdated. He wanted me to stay in bed. In the US I was walking to the bathroom immediately.

I cannot speak to all Mexican orthopedic surgeons. My suggestion is to travel to a large city with a teaching hospital, if at all possible.

Food in the US was much better. Too bad I ate none of it.

At the moment pain is manageable and I am sleeping a lot. My appetite is nonexistent I’m having to force myself to eat. HH will be here next week and I return to my surgeon in two weeks. I am pleased with how things are going and confident this surgery was the right decision for me.

I hope to be returning home to Mexico in 4-6 weeks. Fingers crossed.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: Inspiration, living in mexico, Surgery in mexico

Comments 10 Comments
Categories aging, Retire Mexico, Uncategorized

Adiós California

2 Aug

Saying goodbye to grandchildren is always bittersweet. Promises to call more often and visit more frequently are feeble attempts to stay more connected. Every visit leaves us wanting more. We pack as much fun as possible into a few weeks.

Our grandson almost as tall as his mother (11).

The newest member of the family. Oliver Farkle Toth

My favorite part of the Aquarium is always the jelly fish. (Monterrey Aquarium)

Mesmerizing

We are traveling to Austin to be ready for the much anticipated leg surgery on Wednesday. I am not nervous, just ready to get on with recovery. We expect to be in Austin six weeks for physical therapy. I miss Bacalar and my puppers.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: family vacation, Grandchildren, Monterrey Aquarium

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I Got Scammed

26 Jul

Not a romance scam. Not a click on an unfamiliar link, nor an unexpected inheritance from a Nigerian prince. I did not give out my social security number nor buy anyone a gift card. And no grandchildren were kidnapped.

I bought a shopping bag on Facebook.

Isn’t this cute? Truthfully I had buyers remorse the minute I hit ‘purchase.’ Did I really need another bag? But I couldn’t resist.

I’m a sucker for a great bag.

Surprise! This is what arrived in the mail.

Nothing like the ad, small, cheap and mass-produced

When I contacted the company to return the bag, I was given an address in Hong Kong, not an artist in North Carolina.

Shipping to Hong Kong would cost more than the bag itself. When I Googled the company, Craftfolk, I found many complaints of “bait and switch.” I certainly was seduced.

Lessons learned:

-Do your research as to the validity of the company and the product.

-If it sounds too good, it is.

-And the biggest lesson for me was to submit a fraud case to your bank IMMEDIATELY.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: fraud, Inspiration, internet scam, lesbians living in mexico, lessons learned

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What Will Be My Legacy?

19 Jul

I remember my Irish grandmother teaching me to knit. I couldn’t have been but six years old. Trying to manipulate the needles, keeping the tension uniform, yarn over, slide through; it was hard but I persisted. Little did I know it would become a lifelong past time.

I taught myself to crochet in order to make doll clothes that my parents couldn’t afford to buy. At Brownies (Girl Scouts) I made an apron. For girls of a certain era, learning to sew was an required skillset.

I still have my childhood sewing basket with my Brownie pin inside.

My sewing basket, sad but important enough to carry around the world. Filled with buttons, thread and childhood memories.

My mother made all my dance costumes and in high school I got my first sewing machine. I never was a seamstress.

From knitting and crocheting my adult interest turned to quilting.

Of late I’ve picked up a needle and thread and began ‘slow stitching ‘.

Stitch And Listen

To my surprise and great pleasure, my granddaughters seem to be interested in stitching.

Maybe I will leave a legacy after all.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: embroidery, Inspiration, legacy, stitching

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The Day After

12 Jul

Waking last Monday to the whole world grieving Mexico’s World Cup loss to England, brought tears.

Congratulations to my British peeps. Your team played a brilliant game. England had muscle memory, Mexico had heart.

There wasn’t a dry eye in El Azteca (Mexico City stadium) on Sunday afternoon. The unabashed tears made me love Mexicans even more.

Mexican Sports Bar-Austin (every table had their own TV)

Instagram had been full of fans begging Mexico to beat England. Africa in particular sent good juju. I don’t suppose colonialism had anything to do with it.

As the week progessed there were so many stories of English and Mexican fans partying together. Mexico has offered to host 2030.

That would be fun. ¡Vamanos! (Let’s go!)

DOS TORTAS

https://youtu.be/6-XBTG9PkYk?is=OEUCJSHnhy5K-Nei

You don’t have to know Spanish to feel the pride.

Tags: el azteca, Soccer, World Cup

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Take The Chance Or Play It Safe?

5 Jul

Life can turn on a dime and mine certainty did two years ago.

While playing with the dog and making a sharp turn, my feet tangled and I landed hard on my hip.

Since the accident, I have been juggling pain meds, unable to walk very far and wanting to find a way back to myself, wherever and whoever that is. At the same time I’ve been very grateful to be able to walk at all.

Things took an unexpected turn this past April when a doctor in Austin, Texas suggested I have the hardware in my leg removed. That statement took me back to Mexico and then back to Texas.

The short version of this twisty turny saga is that I have a surgery date of August fifth to cut my leg open again. I am both excited and scared. Having been told by three doctors that there are no guarantees, I’m never the less choosing to go through with it.

What is life if not a roll of the dice? Meanwhile I will work hard to be in shape for the big day. I am currently in California dog sitting for this little fluff ball.

Meet my daughter’s new little trouble maker Ollie.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: gratitude, Inspiration, retire mexico, Surgery in mexico

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Making Peace With The Past

28 Jun

In 2000, my youngest brother died from brain cancer (glioblastoma). My entire worldview was turned upside down. I no longer had four brothers. How could that be? The loss left a hole in my heart.

At the time of his death my mother made a decision, without consulting the rest of the family, to have my brother cremated and his ashes interred at Calvary Episcopal Church in Asheville, North Carolina.

My objection was that he was not from North Carolina and we were Catholic and I just didn’t think it was what he would have wanted. But he was no longer available to ask. The whole thing felt wrong to me, but that was my mother. I don’t fault her.

Visiting the cemetery this week, I did not expect to find a view of the mountains in the distance and the most beautiful little Gothic-style brick church.

The stained glass fills the church with light

There were pillows and kneeling cushions lovingly hand stitched by parishioners.

We were shown around by a delightful church secretary who opened the church and gave us a history lesson.

All in all, after shedding a few tears, I felt closure for the first time since he died, 25 years ago.

The final surprising piece was that the original homestead where the church now stands was purchased by a Brit named Daniel Blake. My brother’s daughter is named Blake and her partner is Daniel!

DOS TORTAS