Regrets? I Have A Few

19 Apr

They say that a life without regrets is a life well lived. I’m not so sure about that. Looking back on my seventy-four years, there are a few things I wish I had done differently.

A graduate degree at 42.

When I was getting my Master’s degree at the University of Texas in 1996, my professor suggested that I continue for a PhD. She liked my research and thought I could parlay it into a dissertation. Without question I said no. I was too scared. It was a bigger vision than I could imagine for myself. I was raised in a time when women were given very low expectations.

Another time I was offered the position of manager for the clinic where I worked. Again, I turned it down. I had never been a “manager” (only of a home, and three kids, all while attending graduate school full-time.) I wish someone had offered me help, training and a boost to my self confidence.

As a woman of a certain era, I fought hard for every opportunity. I was the only girl of five children, and the only one to graduate from college, bought and paid for by myself.

It was impossible not to let the fear rule me. Fear was built into every story I was told, every underestimation, every time I was reminded that my place was in the home.

So yes I have a few regrets.

Living in paradise.

Today I am content with the way things turned out. I have an amazing partner, a beautiful home and a peaceful existence. If I had done any of the things I now regret, it might have turned out quite differently.

Portland 2025

So truthfully I have no regrets. At least that’s what I tell myself.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1CiLn7YdNg/

DOS TORTAS

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But Don’t You Want To Look Younger?

12 Apr

“Reduce swelling, eliminate wrinkles, lift sagging lids, here let me show you.”

A sample size age reversal.

I was winding my way through Cancún airport when this gorgeous woman came on strong (it’s been years since I’ve been able to say that!)

Before I could bat a puffy lid, she was dabbing something under one eye and pushing a mirror at me to demonstrate the “miraculous” difference.

Of course I couldn’t see a thing and not because it didn’t work, although I have my doubts but because I’m blind without my glasses.

Looking myself in the eye.

With flawless skin and perfect English she thrust a sample in my hand and continued her siren’s song, inviting me to her counter to experience an age defying miracle. My response,

“I don’t care!”

She looked confused. “But don’t you want to…look younger?”

When I looked younger.

“Nope. I’m good.”

She sputtered as I walked away. Actually I wheeled away, as my walking days are currently on hiatus.

I think I retired with the money I have NOT spent on beauty supplies. For giggles I looked up her products. They started at $400 and added a one on the front for moisture and glow.

This was the cheap stuff.

For me, making peace with aging starts in the mirror. The sagging skin and thickening middle defy all effort to change. And believe me I’ve tried. At this point it’s appearance zero, health everything. So I’ll keep my wrinkles and my money, thank you very much! “I DON’T CARE.

Watch this video.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1BPcaHjSwJ/

DOS TORTAS

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Continuing The Celebration Of Old Women

5 Apr

Long before grandmothers ran marathons, Nan would show up at our house in New Jersey, unannounced. We knew she arrived when her car pulled into our long country drive. “Nan’s here!” We were excited. It was a time before internet and cell phones. As the matriarch I guess she never felt the need to let us know she was coming. Sometimes she stayed for months.

My grandmother in her youth.

Nan drove well into her eighties and would tell us often that the worse day of her life was when my uncle took her car keys. She was a traveling fool, visiting here and there while waving to the truck drivers. She carried all her worldly possessions in her trunk (boot for you Brits).

One day Nan arrived and announced her intention to drive from New Jersey to Florida to visit family. She whisked me away to keep her company on the long drive to Miami. I was a lanky twelve year old. My parents never thought to tell her no.

Underwater extravaganza.

I was mesmerized at Weeki Wachee State Park where to this day mermaids breathe underwater through skinny tubes and perform somersaults with long hair floating behind them.

We also took a boat ride along the Florida coast to stare agog at enormous seaside mansions that defied reality. Our reality for sure.

Nan bought me sunglasses!

My grandmother was born in 1896. She was labeled rebellious when to everyone’s horror she divorced my grandfather. My mother told stories of packing up her three siblings and moving in the middle of the night when they couldn’t pay the rent. Nan later lived with a man for ten years whom she never married. I remember him. She was an independent woman who unapologetically forged her own way.

The many faces of my grandmother 1896-1990

Her name was Alicia Wade Marder. It is important that we tell womens’ stories. She was my grandmother and she shaped my life in ways I’m still discovering. This is for my grandchildren, so they know their history. Love you Nan.

DOS TORTAS

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Three Old Women And Two Old Dogs

29 Mar

Nobody wants to read about old women doing amazing things but you should, if you’re lucky it could be to you.

Happy birthday Alice 82

My conservative, republican mother-in-law moved to Mexico to live with her ex-military lesbian daughter and her older wife. It’s been one hellava ride.

Alice’s 80 birthday

Alice is now eighty-two and living large in her own tiny jungle home.

https://theadventuresofdostortas.com/2016/03/13/a-tiny-house-in-mexico/

Alice with her best friend.

Her house is a museum. She’s never seen a knickknack, or doll, or pair of shoes, or jewelry…that she doesn’t love. When her clothes washer recently died, her main concern for a new one was that it had to be pretty. She now owns a red washing machine.

A tour of Alice’s artistic bathroom.
Who loves to have her picture taken?

Alice survived Covid and RSV (a respiratory virus) both of which put her in the hospital. She has more lives than a cat. She sets an amazing example of resiliency and living life on your own terms and we’re so lucky to have her with us.

DOS TORTAS

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The Only Attitude To Happiness

22 Mar

Waking up daily in the jungle of southeastern Mexico is a dream for some and a reality for me. Depending on the time of year, the sun clears the horizon and hits me right in the eyeball in bed! Then there’s the cacophony of birds, (doves, parakeets, brown jays, chachalacas and more). The sound of the teapot heating water for coffee and dogs demanding “outside” and their breakfast, is also part of the wake-up call. It does beat an alarm.

Rise and shine.

The morning routine continues with a trip to the roof to practice my version of sun salutations and a quick check on the baby birds who are almost as big as their parents and will be flying the coop soon enough. I will miss them

The roof sanctuary. They’re doves, not pigeons 😂

I lean into my morning routine with meditation, exercise and vacuuming up the dog glitter left on our blue concrete floors.

The shedding maniacs.

There are so many possibilities for surprises in my day-to-day life, such as this week alone, smelling gas from the new stove, threats of severe weather, a trip to get MRIs for me and Lisa, and health concerns with Lisa’s mom who is 82. Morning routine is the anchor of my life.

Sometimes art just shows up. Not sure where this came from.

Having recently been diagnosed with anxiety, I scheduled a massage and gave a massage (I am a massage therapist) both of which got me out of my head. Getting a massage has been a way that I have dealt with anxiety in the past. Time for a reboot.

More art. Lots of circles.
Postcard sized paintings. Touch to enlarge.

I am still playing my ukulele (badly) and furiously making art. It’s good to have a plan. And then I try to be aware of all that I have to be grateful for. There’s just so much. This blog and my community here are included. Thank you for showing up, leaving comments and hanging with me through the ups and downs. I appreciate it more than you can know.

DOS TORTAS

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The Trials And Tribulations of Pain

15 Mar

However you cut it, living with pain is not fun. For those of you who have been dealing with chronic pain for years or even a lifetime, my sympathies. If you have never experienced chronic pain, read on, life turns on a dime at any age. At seventy-four I am new to the game and surprised by it.

Life drawing class provides a lovely distraction.

I’ve learned that pain medication is a god-sent but a double edged sword. Even thinking about it makes me want to sleep (or cry.)

Medication handles the pain so I can exercise, walk or be halfway human. I have to be careful however because it can also eats holes in my stomach.

Models choose some interesting props.

So if you are waiting patiently for the doctor’s pronouncement, drum roll please…HIP REPLACEMENT. Yes the old hip is in pieces and barely able to keep me upright. An appointment has been made for yet another opinion and hopefully to schedule surgery, April 23 in Austin. Finally time to take advantage of all that health insurance I worked so hard for.

I added color later.

Until then, the meds keep it tolerable, as does my artwork. Carry on.

DOS TORTAS

My gastroenterologist has declared that my stomach pain is due to anxiety. And now I understand.

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The Sun The Moon and a Thruple

8 Mar

Take a peak this week into the lives of retired lesbians living in the jungle of southeast Mexico.

Lovely sunrise view from our roof.
Full moon and lunar eclipse.

It’s been a bustling week which included an early morning lunar eclipse, a visit from our friend Michelle, and annual doctors’ check-ups (ortho, gastro, dermo and pulmo). Getting old is a full time job.

Stella loves Auntie Michelle

Michelle adds sparkle. She is an avid bird watcher, lovely conversationalist and pitches in with Mom, the dogs and household tasks. No drama just life divided by three instead of two.

Identified by our bird App this week on the roof.
Lots of colorful visitors.

One doctor’s visit was particularly helpful, a second opinion on my leg. I went for a scan and will return on Monday to come up with a plan. He said I should not be in this much pain a year and a half later. I left hopeful.

Hopefully there is more bone growth since this last xray in December.

Unfortunately Michelle has returned home but the mental health break she gave us provided respite and a vow to take better care of ourselves, as we all need to do.

The thunk thunk is the toucan.

DOS TORTAS

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But I Don’t WANNA Exercise

1 Mar

Celebrating my birthday is not optional for me. Since I am not a big fan of the usual fawning, gift buying and everything that goes with it, I make a plan for what works for ME. This year I bought tickets to see Shakira in Merida, Yucatán. My wife played a supporting role so I didn’t have to worry about the details. We had a blast, learned a lot and were not awakened by dogs at six am.

Returning home to Bacalar, I found myself exhausted, (it’s amazing how vacations can be so tiring) with little motivation for anything, especially exercise. I used every excuse under the sun to deflect, sidetrack and put off. However, my education and lifelong interest as a Health Educator means I knew better. Time to do better.

My triathlon days. If only I had that energy today.

Back in the day, when counseling was my paid gig, I was a broken record. “Walk! Just walk, 15 minutes. Put on “X” on the calendar. Increase frequency, then increase time. Keep track, you can do it!”

People’s excuses were consistent, no time and I don’t like exercise. But leading the pack was, EXERCISE HURTS. My pat answer was, “it hurts if you do and it hurts if you don’t”.

And now I find myself in the, but it hurts camp. Pain can be a good motivator but so can lying in bed.

This week, I came across a clip on my YouTube channel from a trainer I used to follow during Covid quarantine, many moons ago.

https://youtu.be/D6q7Cfkgf-4?si=F8tfaD1Brx834Dy8

Not only is he cute, but his motivational banter was just the kick in the pants I needed today. Exercise helps the body and the mind. I needed both.

Swim competition in Bacalar about ten years ago.

Some other habits I have developed in the past to keep me motivated.

  1. I wear trainers to support my feet. No working out in flip flops as folks like to do in MX.
  2. I wear gym clothes including a sports bra, even at home.
  3. I work out on a trampoline which provides a handle for balance and low impact.
  4. I track with an “X” on the calendar. Keeping a streak going in any kind of journal motivates me. At least for awhile lol.
  5. I give myself permission to switch things up. Walking, swimming, chair yoga, tai chi, videos, as long as I move.
  6. I do whatever it takes to remind myself of the importance of exercise. My body gives me way too much push back.

I’d love to hear from you what keeps you going. I find exercise to be a life-long challenge which only gets harder with an aging body.

Three years ago before the music at the gym made my ears bleed.

DOS TORTAS

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I Didn’t Used To Be So Scared

22 Feb

There was a time when I was fearless, hitchhiking across Mexico in my 20’s, climbing pyramids, swimming underwater into a cave, or staying out all night dancing.

Danskin Triathalon, Austin TX

Maybe it’s because I am now old (this week marks 74 years) and disabled (walking with a cane) that I find myself anxious about the unknown. Whether the world has become a scarier place or I am having trouble with my limitations, I don’t know. Either way, I am ashamed and embarrassed of my fear.

Big Bend on the TX/MX border.

We have tickets on Tuesday to see the one and only Shakira. It’s my birthday and what a way to celebrate, right? We have someone staying with my mother-in-law and a sweet hotel reservation in Merida. And yet I am ready to cancel it all over an unfamiliar concert venue, fear of not finding a taxi, long bathroom lines and staying out most of the night.

Cave exploration, Belize

I have read that writing is cathartic so here I am baring my soul. I know you won’t try to fix me. You might think I’m a little bonkers, but heck I think I’m a LOT bonkers.

Tikal, Guatemala

Thanks for listening, or reading, or whatever it is we do here. I appreciate your support. Writing it down beats lying in bed with tears in my ears (as my dad used to say) any day.

DOS TORTAS

Released in 1952, the year I was born.

I’ve Got Tears in My Ears https://share.google/hMd6hIh5FY4NDWR9M

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Privilege And A Bullet Proof Vest

15 Feb

Last week was the much awaited Rendezvous, watercolor painting in Mérida, Mexico. Besides the five finished paintings I had committed to, I had one other goal for the week, to watch the half time Super Bowl show ie, Bad Bunny.

El Gran Santiago Restaurant and Bar

To be clear, I am not a music person. When Lady Gaga showed up on the screen of the sweet little neighborhood bar down the street, I didn’t know who she was at first. I know, don’t stone me. I did know Ricky Martin immediately.

I was intent on listening to the music but the mostly non-Mexican bar patrons, WOULDN’T SHUT UP.

The only painting I sold.

I realized that the bar-goers weren’t any different from folks I’ve spoken to in the States, the only history is OUR history, the only music is what I like and understand, and the only culture is white US culture (whatever that is).

Sunrise behind Santiago church.

Because of my algorithms, I have since learned about the history of Puerto Rico and how Benito (BB) schooled us on the world’s biggest stage. What an amazing show of unity, family and love.

I also found out that Benito wore a bullet proof vest to the Grammy’s and had a hospital-on-wheels parked outside “just in case.”

How have we come to this?

DOS TORTAS

Thank you Bad Bunny

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Emilie Vardaman

travel and random thoughts

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