Tag Archives: lesbians living in mexico

Happy Anniversary – 28 Years

2 Oct

Twenty-eight years for a lesbian relationship is like a hundred years for everyone else. The bookies taking bets on us would have lost money big time.

Lisa – twelve years my junior. Former smoker, drinker, X-military. She just started college in 1994.

Me – mom to three children, still sharing a house and co-parenting with my X-husband. I just started graduate school in 1994.

Our first Valentine’s. We were so young! 1997

We met at “the bar”. For you younger folks, back in the day, gay bars were how we all met. At one time there were actually three lesbian bars in Austin, Chances, Nexus and About Time! Unfortunately they have gone the way of the very extinct dodo bird.

In 1999, we had a backyard commitment ceremony after five years and the purchase of a house. Nothing says commitment like buying a house together.

It’s all about the cake!
Sharing a private moment.

In 2015 marriage became legal in all 50 US states. We had a small ceremony and made it legal in California. In case you lost count, that gives us three anniversary dates (and two honeymoons).

Our daughter planned and executed this memorable event.

As we can barely remember what day it is, we have always celebrated the day we met, September 16, 1994. It’s been a wild ride and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Our recent visit to Austin. Our eldest son. 2022

DOS TORTAS

Doing The Covid Two-Step

19 Sep

For those of you who aren’t familiar, the two-step is a dance frequently performed at a country western bar in boots and cowboy hat. Back in the day, it’s where I met my Sweetie, twenty-seven years ago this week. No one would have put money on us, yet here we are.

Gay bars in the 90s.

These days, the only dance we’re doing is to avoid Covid infection while traveling in the U.S. One, two cha cha cha.

Pharmacy shelves are empty.

Rapid home tests are as elusive as the proverbial needle in a haystack. I believe folks have boxes at home next to stockpiled toilet paper. My daughter orders rapid tests online at 4am when supplies come in and sell out quickly.

Last week we got news that my former sister-in-law succumbed to conspiracy theories and vaccine avoidance. There are so many sad stories of needless death, it’s difficult to turn on the news. RIP Val.

Fingers crossed that we get to talk to the surgeon this week and schedule Lisa’s spinal fusion. It’s been another one of those dances, slow, slow, quick, quick.

At least I can share photos of our pups who are doing well at home in Bacalar under the care of our house sitters. Enjoy.

Luna enjoying a hot stone bath.
Stela harassing my MILs cat.

DOS TORTAS

Get Vaccinated

Cloudburst

14 Aug

Whenever I come across something that gives me a good belly laugh, I have to share it with my partner. But when it’s a fall off the couch, tears and snot guffaw-fest, it has to go on the Dos Tortas blog.

This week we watched Cloudburst with Olympia Dukakis on Netflix. I began by not paying much attention but was soon completely riveted. I’ll surely go back and watch it again. The zingers were flying fast and furious and absolutely hilarious.

https://www.imdb.com/video/vi2691547161

The fact that this movie came out in 2002, before lesbians could legally marry in the US, means that I am waaaay behind the times in my movie watching. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Thirty-one years together.

DOS TORTAS

Dance Of The Forty-One

16 May

I remember when the movie Silence Of The Lambs came out in 1991. It starred Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins, who both won Academy Awards and overall best picture. I was probably the only person who found the movie horrifying, I could not watch, averted my eyes and walked out of the theater. I argued with friends who declared it a “great movie”. How could a movie about kidnapping, torture and wearing the skin of a woman be great? Subject matter vs cinematography.

This week I watched a Netflix movie that popped up on my feed, Dance of the Forty-One. In its own way, it was equally hard to watch, but not for the same reason. Dance of the Forty-One is a based-on-reality, Mexican movie by award winning director David Pablos about the repression of gay men in 1901 under the dictatorship of Porfirio Diaz. To my surprise, it was dubbed well in English not subtitled.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80235267?s=i&trkid=255824129

The movie is beautiful and moving. The love scenes are steamy and visceral. It is filmed in Mexico City and Guadalajara and transports the viewer to what Mexico was like in all its elegance and grandeur at the turn of the century. However if you know even a smattering of Mexican history and the cruelty of Porfirio Diez, you know it’s not going to end well.

Lisa and I have lived in Mexico almost eight years. One of our concerns before moving was of course, how we would be treated as a lesbian couple, aka Dos Tortas. While there has been the occasional “are you sisters?” for the most part, we are treated respectfully. One time a waiter was flirting hard with Lisa who of course was clueless. He leaned over and whispered in my ear asking me about her. I declared that she was my esposa. He turned red, sputtered, delivered the check, and disappeared. The more common term in Spanish is partner or pareja, but I was feeling particularly evil that day.

2019 in the Texas bluebonnets.

I don’t kid myself that life for Mexican lesbians is the same as for foreigners. We have friends who are a mixed couple, US’er and Mexican. They have been together many years, attending family functions and living in Bacalar down the street from Sola’s conservative family. Their relationship has never been acknowledged. It is a non-topic, period, end of story. In this case, silence is not golden.

Mexico continues to grow in acceptance and discrimination has been outlawed. Same-sex marriage is legal in all thirty-one states. Gracias to David Pablos for shining a light on a dark time in history. As hard as it is to watch, let’s not avert our eyes this time.

DOS TORTAS

Adiós Amigos/Amigas

4 Nov

Dear Followers, Friends and Family, this will be my last blog post. I have been toying with the idea of discontinuing DOS TORTAS for sometime and the decision is final. With over six years, 310 posts, 5,848 views from all over the world, 195 likes, and 341 followers, it’s been a wonderful experience and a lot of fun. I’ve grown as a writer and pushed myself in ways that I wouldn’t otherwise have grown. I remember being thrilled at having 100 followers, woohoo!

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Our original route from Austin to Bacalar September 2013

There are so many blogs about moving, traveling and living in Mexico. I have veered off topic quite a bit lately which is death for a blogger. Any “how to” guide will tell you to be narrow in topic and write to a specific audience. I’m afraid that ship has sailed. 

A few things we have learned on this great adventure:

  • Living in Mexico is not easy. There is a gaping cultural divide. It is not insurmountable but there is a price. 
  • Living in a gated expatriate community is not living in Mexico. 
  • If you don’t speak Spanish you better have money to pay someone to help navigate a system that is frustrating and complicated at best and incomprehensible at worst – renting, construction/renovation, banking, immigration, shopping, medical, veterinary, etc. etc. 
  • Air travel back and forth from Mexico to wherever has only gotten more problematic. The easy travel that we imagined no longer exists. Missed connections, flight delays due to bad weather, the cost of rescheduling tickets and the unexpected need for a hotel room adds up. Not to mention the inconvenience of lost passports, credit cards and other identification. 
  • Be fearless no matter where life takes you. It’s so much better than the alternative.

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My hard won permanent residency card.

None of this is said to discourage anyone. We love it here in Bacalar and have no regrets or plans to return to the US. Even at 55 and 66 we talk more frequently about aging in place. Illness and disability are probably the main reasons foreigners pack it in and head “home”. Life can turn on a dime. It’s good to have a plan B.

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Lisa’s mother’s tumble which resulted in multiple broken bones, surgery and physical therapy.

I would still love to hear from you with questions or comments. I will continue on Instagram at dos_tortas.  With much gratitude, blessings and peace. 

DOS TORTAS

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Acts Of Kindness

28 Oct

Today is my last day in California. I feel like I helped get these babies off to a good start, which was my goal. My son-in-law is having back surgery next month and my daughter is healing from PPCM, postpartum cardiomyopathy. They have additional family members coming after we leave. Send prayers.

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Dad with the girls, Analise and Sara.

What an exhausting and rewarding experience. I am a bit at a loss for words. It’s time to get home to Bacalar. Lisa’s immigration is due and I am off to paint again for a week in Oaxaca, a commitment I wish I hadn’t made. 

dav

Doctor Max

This morning I went to church and found myself in tears thinking of the families in Pittsburgh who were themselves sitting in prayer unprepared for someone to attack their synagogue.

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Our bundles of joy.

And then there was the news story of an 18 year old who drove three and a half hours one way to deliver a favorite pizza to a man in hospice dying of cancer. Acts of kindness are all we really have. Be generous and compassionate, especially to people who are different from you.  

DOS TORTAS

 

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Finding Inspiration

14 Oct

We are nearing the end of our stay in California. Two weeks to go and it’s homeward bound for Mexico. It’s been fun watching the twins grow and hang out with our grandson. 

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Sara and Analise turn three months.

This week I thought I’d share what’s on my night table. There isn’t a lot of time for reading on grandma duty and yet somehow I’m in the middle of three books. Time to get cracking or I’ll be filling my suitcase with books. NOT!

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My daughter’s book collection.

I’m on the third read of a little yet powerful book, FALLING UPWARD, A Spirituality For the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr. It was recommended by a friend who’s opinion and spiritual path I value and it has impacted my life significantly. Spirituality and aging, presented in a thoughtful and personal way. The bottom line, “it’s all about love.”

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THE BOOK OF JOY with Douglas Abrams is our read aloud book before bed. Lisa and I usually select fiction to send us off into dreamland. The teaching and antics of the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu make us laugh out loud as well as inspire our lives. Being happy in the face of daily life, is it possible? These two amazing leaders walk the talk and shine a light on the path.

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And yes, I’m reading three books at the same time, THE BOYS IN THE BOAT, Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics by Daniel James Brown.

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I guess the pattern here is pretty clear, inspiration. It would be so easy to be cynical rather than grateful in today’s world. What’s on your reading list? Comment, share, subscribe. Visit dos_tortas on Instagram for more…

DOS TORTAS 

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We All Make Mistakes

7 Oct

This week has been crazy on so many levels. While traveling back to California, I missed my flight out of Mexico City. It was totally my fault, but nonetheless caused a domino affect of long waits, additional expenses and cancelled debit card. While I ultimately reached my destination it wasn’t without the onset of a head cold that has me off limits to my granddaughters. The need for lots of rest is not necessarily a bad thing.

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Leaving Chetumal at dawn. Adiós Mexico for another month.

Sitting in bed has me doing the most unproductive behavior possible, watching the news, specifically the Kavanaugh debacle. A positive outcome, and I hope there are many, is that women are remembering long dismissed experiences and talking about them. I know I am. I’d like to share an incident where I spoke up and the resulting, appalling reactions of my community.

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Mexico City airport sculpture exhibit helps pass the time. Metamorphosis – Between Heaven and Earth.

In March 2017 I sent an email to our local list-serve reporting an incident with a very popular dentist in the Bacalar expatriate community. He speaks English and was recommended when we first moved to Mexico. You know how it is, you move to a new place and ask around for a dentist. Dr. M was the one. Then he tried to kiss Lisa.

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My favorite piece.

It was so easy to think she misread cues. After all everyone kisses everyone in Mexico. However, this was NOT the case. When we discovered two other women, friends of ours, who had the same experience, it was time to warn people. I did not expect the response I got.

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The emails that ensued made my head spin. People came to his defense. They accused me of reporting hearsay. They recounted all the years they had gone to him and he didn’t try to kiss THEM. I finally sent out the following email:

Dear Friends,

Because it didn’t happen to YOU doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Because it is reported anonymously doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. When it happens to YOU and you speak up and others come forward, you don’t get to say, why didn’t you say something sooner? The responses to my email is exactly why women don’t share. We are questioned and doubted. Most of us have been groped, forced, touched without permission, and some assaulted. If it’s happened to one, it’s happened to others. This was presented as information and a warning. Please consider this discussion closed unless you know how we can report it officially. Alex

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I love the morning visit with the dogs to our dock.

I cannot imagine what Christine Blasey Ford is going through. I doubt my blog will change anyone’s mind. Yesterday I watched several of his female judicial clerks describe Judge Kavanaugh in glowing terms. No one is calling him a monster. Everyone makes mistakes. In my opinion he should not be sitting on the Supreme Court, period. Please comment, share and subscribe.

DOS TORTAS

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Permanent Residency – Finally

30 Sep

After five years of retirement in Mexico, I received my Residencia Permanente. It surprised me how emotional I felt leaving the Immigration Office clutching my newly minted green card. It not only represents the passage of time, but a personal growth that could not have been achieved any other way. 

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Gotta love the photo. They really go for the mugshot look.

I remember when when we first started the residency process I dragged tons of file folders filled with bank statements, proof of income, rental agreements, etc., to the immigration office. We were so unsure what was required. We waited hours and made numerous trips due to inexperienced staff and my less than stellar Spanish skills. Today the process is more streamlined, my Spanish has vastly improved and the agents are experienced and very helpful.

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Artist Terry Smith of Seattle, WA. From my recent trip. 

On Monday I return to California and grandma duty for another month. I am so grateful to our house sitter who is caring for the dogs and managing the house in our absence.  We couldn’t have done this without you. Share, comment, subscribe.

DOS TORTAS 

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A Time For Reflection

23 Sep

It’s Sunday (my usual day of blogging) and nothing has been posted, written or is even dancing around in my head. I am in Bacalar, Mexico to handle an immigration deadline and I will be going back to California in a week to finish the commitment to our daughter and her family. 

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Our beautiful granddaughters.

I think I really want to spend some time this week listening. Our home in Bacalar is such a place of peace and quiet. California with our twin granddaughters and two year old grandson has been a challenge to my sense of calm. I believe that peace is not a matter of circumstances but a choice. My listening is about what I need to consistently make that choice.

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A lovely little shower moving across the Laguna. Can you hear the thunder?

I know this is out of the norm for my blog. It’s where I’ve been lately and trying to decide whether or not to share it. So here goes. What do you do when you need guidance that talking and thinking does not provide?

DOS TORTAS 

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