the adventures of dos tortas

Last week we celebrated the Hindu festival of Diwali around a communal table with people we had just met. I tell myself and whoever will listen that I want more people in my life ie friends. Most of the legacy people that we met in Bacalar when we arrived ten years ago, have aged out, sold their homes and moved on. The community that we thought we were moving into, disintegrated like crumbling Mayan pyramids.

I sat at dinner last Saturday between two men. They each sat with their body turned away from me talking to the person on the opposite side. This behavior is something that I’m used to. I find that I am invisible to most men. As an old woman (71), men rarely give me the time of day. As a lesbian too, I do not flirt or dress to please. I’ve given up that game a long time ago.

And then something surprising happened. Terry, to my left, began to engage with me. The man HE had been talking to was flirting with the women at the other end of the table. That left me. We talked, Mayan Train, health, family and diet. He did some mansplaining about things that I was quite knowledgeable about, so I listened.

The evening was enjoyable, although I learned something about myself. I really don’t do well in crowds, even small ones. I disengage or talk to one person at a time. In the past, I’ve made the decision to get to know someone by really going after them, a brunch date or an invitation to our house. And like anything else, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m about 25% success rate.

Covid allowed me to be a hermit and my friendship muscles have atrophied. I have a gym acquaintance who owns a restaurant in Bacalar and who is willing to host a monthly expat gathering. I’m going to get the word out on social media. We will start in the new year. For me the personal stretch of those underutilized friendship muscles will be to show up and engage. And just maybe I will find a new friend.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: friendship, Inspiration, Laguna Bacalar, retire mexico, US Expats in Mexico