the adventures of dos tortas

Just A Quiet Week

The weather has cooled off in the jungle of southern Mexico. The nights are pleasant with no need for air conditioning. We even had some rain which was sorely needed. It is the beginning of the time of year that we anticipate all summer. It reminds us why we live here in a hot, humid jungle.

Our first visit to Bacalar was in December 2012. We stood in the laguna at 12:12pm on 12-12-12 and made the decision to buy the property, upend our lives and move to a small sleepy village on the most beautiful lake in the world, Laguna Bacalar. We were so naïve.

Pictures I took on our first visit in 2012

Not in a million years could we have foreseen the changes that have come to this part of Mexico. Every time I try to take pictures of the devastation wrought by the Mayan Train (Tren Maya) I get too upset. We took a ride on Friday out to where the Bacalar station is under construction. The train will pass on the far side of the highway a few miles from our house.

Imagine 76,300 square miles (197,600 square km) of pristine jungle dissected by enormous swaths of train ways. The cost of the project is at 15 billon dollars, seventy percent over budget. Many indigenous and environmental groups have sought to halt construction to no avail. The destruction of the fragile environment, native Mayan villages and archaeological treasures is a crime.

Financed by tourist dollars I have little hope that the train will bring a better life to Yucatecans. Surely there are better ways to improve healthcare and education and provide jobs. Locals that I have spoken with have mixed feelings. They like the job opportunities but fear for the environment. As a wealthy white woman I guess I have no say and no room to complain. As a world citizen I feel helpless to stop this disaster. That horse is out of the barn.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: environmental disaster, expat living in Mexico, Laguna Bacalar, tren maya

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If You Can’t Find It You Don’t Need It

22 Oct

Privilege afforded by gender identity, skin color, age, nationality, income, religion and a host of other things is often very hard to identify, at least for the recipient of said benefits. When society gives us an advantage that others do not have it can be quite invisible to us.

The privilege that became evident to me this week that I am without is ingredients. Many delicious plant-based recipes show up on my Instagram feed but when I look closer, I can’t get the ingredients! No vegan butter, cornstarch, molasses and a slew of other things. Yes, yes, I realize that I can fiddle and probably come up with a passable facsimile, but more and more, I roll my eyes and just give up.

I think the thing that annoys me the most is the blasé attitude of the internet chef espousing the simplicity of the recipe, as if we all had Whole Foods next store.

When we lived in Austin, there was a large high-end grocery store an easy walk away. I could be making any recipe and hop on over for a missing ingredient. No food desert in my neighborhood.

The medley of apples alone at Central Market in Austin blew my mind.

Here in the Mexican wilds we are getting a larger variety of options than were available in years gone by. What you can’t find in the supermercado can often be ordered online. I have a friend who has the right attitude, IMHO, “If you can’t find it, you don’t need it.” I think that having a simpler life is really the privilege we might all aspire to.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: excess, Inspiration, Laguna Bacalar, plant based, retire mexico

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Trying To Scam The Wrong Person

15 Oct

Lisa drove this week to Cancun to pick up her aunt from the airport. As many folks do, she stopped at the large La Gas station exiting Tulum on her return to Bacalar. This particular gas station is always busy with long lines and many trucks. There isn’t another gas station for many kilometers.

Lisa pulled the car in and when the tank was full, handed the attendant two 500 peso bills plus 100, about $56US. In Mexico one is not allowed to pump their own gas. I actually quite like not having to get out of the car. Her change would have been 80 pesos.

The attendant returned and claimed that Lisa only gave him one 500 peso bill. Hahaha he didn’t know it but he was trying to scam the WRONG person. Lisa immediately told him that she in fact gave him the correct amount. She called him a mentiroso liar and demanded loudly to speak with his boss.

I can only imagine the ruckus since I wasn’t along. Lisa’s Spanish pronunciation may have been a bit off, but her confidence was certain and I’m sure he knew exactly what she was saying. He quickly returned with her correct change and even had the temerity to ask for his propina tip.

It is customary to tip the attendant if they go all out, washing the windshield and checking the tire pressure. Lisa only laughed at his cajones and skeedadled.

I’m not saying that you won’t get scammed in your own country, but unfamiliar foreign currency and insufficient language skills can leave you vulnerable when traveling. Scammers beware however when hurricane Lisa comes to town haha.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: expat living in Mexico, gas scam, Inspiration, Laguna Bacalar, retire mexico

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Fall From Grace

8 Oct

My mother-in-law fell this week. To a degree I blame myself. Our car had been in the shop for ten days and we were beginning to run out of fresh food. Shopping list in hand, I called my taxi friend Franklin to meet us on the highway. Alice badly wanted to go and pick up some things, but mostly she was bored and wanted to get out of the house.

The short walk from our house to meet the taxi required skirting puddles due to recent intermittent showers. Our road is made from layers of sascab or decomposed limestone which is slick as snot after the rain. I was doing my best to walk along the outer dry edge and expected Alice to follow me. I should have been holding onto her. Then I heard an oomph.

Falling is so hard, literally and figuratively. I should know, I’ve done it enough. My first thought was to take her home. Once on her feet, Alice vehemently declared herself to be “OK”. I knew better, but wanted to avoid an argument. She can be quiet stubborn and vocal about getting her way.

At the grocery store she insisted on carrying her own heavy groceries until I put my foot down. Still she insisted that she was fine. The next day told a different story.

Last April at a friend’s wedding. The many faces of Alice.

Alice didn’t break anything but there was definitely pain, bruising and regrets, both mine and hers. The end result, was an honest and vulnerable conversation about aging. Alice admitted to something we all experience, feeling younger and more capable than she is. She will be eighty in February. While some people are running marathons at eighty, Alice is not one of them. She is rather frail, as much as she prefers to believe otherwise.

We had a very honest talk. It is so easy to believe the messages that growing old equals worthlessness and being a burden. We begin to loose control as others make decisions for us, something no one likes.

Alice and I came to an agreement. When it comes to matters of health or injury, she will trust that Lisa and I have her best interest at heart. There will be no more arguments or fussing. This is a dance we all get to do. For me it’s important not to get scared but take one day at a time, keep the lines of communication open and most importantly, come from a place of love. We’ll all get through it together.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: aging, getting old, Laguna Bacalar, Mother-in-law, retire mexico

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Lost To Dementia

1 Oct

This week, I began listening to a podcast while prepping food for dinner. Let’s Not Be Kidding is by gay comedian Gavin Crawford. It is the story of his relationship with his mother and what it was like for him and his family as she swirled into the dreaded disease of dementia caused by Alzheimer’s. My mother also died of dementia with no specific cause named.

I wasn’t living near my mother and didn’t experience daily her spiral into dementia. I was residing in Texas with teenagers and a partner. She was in a nursing home 1100 miles (1770 km) away. She died February 20, 2008 almost sixteen years ago.

My mom loved to dance. Can you tell it was the 90’s?

Listening to the podcast brought back memories that I have conveniently locked away. Rarely do I think about what it was like for her. Before we realized that my mother had the beginnings of dementia, she was in an horrific car accident that killed her husband. I jumped on a plane to be with her. As I exited the elevator on her hospital floor, I heard her voice echoing down the hall, cracking jokes and sounding quite flirtatious with the doctor and priest. She was in a body cast from chin to thigh. I had expected to find her at death’s door. Her response wasn’t from pain drugs either. Gavin talks in the podcast about his mother’s uncharacteristic flirtatiousness which perfectly described my mom in her final years. I was surprised to find that her behavior was likely due to her illness! I thought she was just odd.

One time I came to see her in the care facility where she lived after the accident. She didn’t know I was coming as I wanted to surprise her. She was sitting in the common area enjoying an entertainment program. I slipped into the seat beside her and put my arm around her. She pulled back and looked at me in confusion. She didn’t know who I was. At first I thought that she was kidding, which was so like her. Later when she remembered me, she was horrified that she didn’t know, “my own daughter”. I pretty much dismissed her emotions and reassured her, blind that her behavior was a symptom of her mental decline.

All my life I telephoned my mother every Sunday. It was just what we children of a certain era did. In the final years it never failed that Mom would ask me, “how’s my friend?” She meant my wife Lisa but could never remember her name. Everyone loves Lisa, my kids, my siblings, everyone. I often wish I had her like-ability. But my mother never asked me how I was.

Lisa and I were holding her hands when she died. Her last word on this planet was my name. I was such a tangle of anger, grief, resentment and confusion at the time. We had a challenging relationship. I wanted it to be more loving but didn’t know how to change things. I tried. I wish I’d tried harder.

My mother’s ashes center near the house where we grew up in New Jersey.

I guess it comes down to accepting her the way she was and that we both did the best we could. Unfortunately I think I learned from her all too well and this week I’m feeling particularly sad. My children also have difficulty feeling loved by me. And the cycle continues.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: dementia, Inspiration, mom, relationships, retire mexico

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Sisters Sisters

24 Sep

Our visit to Alaska was special in many ways. Besides the wildlife, snow topped mountains, and glaciers, there was time spent with Lisa’s Great Aunt Edna. I was a fly on the wall to witness their love and connection. It was a beautiful thing.

I only hope to age as gracefully as this dynamo.

Edna is Lisa’s great aunt, her grandmother’s youngest and only remaining sister. As Lisa was the oldest grandchild, she and her aunt share many memories that few in the family possess. Text messages passed between them every few months allowing connection as only our electronic age permits when one lives in Mexico and the other in Alaska. When Lisa declared her desire to visit her almost ninety year old aunt, I thought, “why not?” I did not expect to find the vibrant, capable and engaging woman that I did. BTW she is a big Dos Tortas fan and follower.

Did I mention that Edna was the youngest of eight sisters?

Edna and her sisters were very close. Every year they had Sister Reunion. Sometimes that meant staying in a hotel together, especially as the elders aged.

Sister reunions also included adventures.

The Sister Reunions were sacrosanct and no one was allowed entry. As the favorite granddaughter of Edith, Lisa sometimes wrangled her way in and got to know all her great aunts. Once a group of them traveled to Europe while Lisa was in the military. They toured the museums and sites, generally having the time of their lives.

During our visit, I busied myself preparing meals while Lisa and Edna culled through forty photo albums and packed up her apartment for the move to Portland, USA. Edna is leaving Alaska after sixty years for assisted living. She fell and broke her pelvis a couple of years ago. Alaskan winters are rough, dark and cold. She is ready for a change, bittersweet as it is.

I felt privileged to meet Edna and witness a reunion of a slightly different yet equally poignant kind.

DOS TORTAS

Sisters Sisters by Irving Berlin. Movie classic, White Christmas.

Tags: Alaska, family reunions, Inspiration, Laguna Bacalar, living in mexico

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From Bacalar To Alaska

17 Sep

When people come to visit us in the jungle of southern Mexico I admit to being less than understanding with their inability to deal with the heat. Winter is the best time to visit Bacalar. Sometimes one even needs a light jacket or shawl! It’s really not that bad. Ha!

Now Alaska is the exact opposite, even in the late summer. Lisa’s cousin walks around the house in a t-shirt while I look like a homeless person wearing all the layers I brought with me.

The view from our bedroom window the evening we arrived.

Denali (highest peak in North America) on the right
made an appearance after a few days.

The sky is magical. Cook Inlet is on the horizon.

A rugged environment for an old gold mind.

The art museum in Anchorage was amazing.

What an wild and wonderful place is Alaska. I can’t imagine living here. I guess like Bacalar, it takes acclimation. We will be home Monday after almost six weeks traveling. I miss my dogs.

DOS TORTAS

Tags: gratitude, Laguna Bacalar, retire mexico, visit Alaska

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Hanging With The Chicks

10 Sep

Lisa was released from the hospital in Tacoma, Washington on Monday with a fistful of antibiotics and admonition to rest. The doctor was quite impressed with the speed of her recovery and sent us on our way to continue our vacation. Lisa had been in the hospital five days with a kidney infection.

We skedaddled from the hospital and managed to make the train to Seattle and from there a bus to Vancouver. Crossing the Canadian border was where the adventure really began.

There were two unmarked high tech tour buses waiting in line in front of us and three behind us. Our driver commented that they were likely a band heading to Vancouver for an upcoming performance.

Lisa’s narration of traveling with the band.

Out of curiosity I pulled out my phone for a quick google. I discovered that The Chicks, (formerly known as The Dixie Chicks) were playing the next night at Rogers Arena, not far from our hotel. With confirmation and a “wink wink” from the border guards, we got excited. Even the bus driver pulled out his phone and began playing “Wide Open Spaces”.

https://youtu.be/dom7VlltBUc?si=V609pTKhNCnqhp8c

So naturally I bought tickets!

The concert was awesome!! The arena was packed with a plethora of boots, cowboy/girl hats and sequins. We had great seats and had so much fun.

A packed arena with energy through the roof.

Vancouver itself didn’t disappoint. The first morning I ambled down the street wide-eyed. I felt like someone just released from prison.

Unknowingly we were staying in the queer section of town. There were rainbows everywhere. The variety of restaurants alone made my head spin, Himalayan, Greek, Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese, all on the same block.

We will definitely be back.

DOS TORTAS

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Vacation Detour

3 Sep

We left Northern California for Seattle, Washington on Monday. We were on to cooler climes and a visit with friends before heading to Vancouver Canada.

Unfortunately things took an unexpected detour.

Lisa got sick and ended up in the hospital. A nasty UTI (urinary tract infection) which traveled to her kidneys, has her with an IV pumping antibiotics into her arm until Tuesday. So much for Vancouver. At this point we’re grateful she’s alive and healing. She was one sick puppy.

Near my hotel is an art museum with Chihuly glass.

It’s been a crazy week. We literally opened google maps and went to the nearest hospital. We lucked out. The doctors and staff have been amazing. We are so very grateful.

DOS TORTAS