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Life is Better When You Play

7 Jul

My youngest son Dylan hated to have his diapers changed when he was little. Before I could fasten them at his hip he would flip over and crawl away from me at the speed of light on chubby little hands and knees. I would grab his ankle in a power struggle that he would loose and we both would hate. One day, I spontaneously grabbed a paper bag mask that my older son had made at school and popped it on my head. My baby lay mesmerized by the eye holes and jagged teeth, while I quickly fastened his diaper. Voila, struggle averted.

Dylan also would talk to puppets. Putting a sock puppet on my hand, I would stand behind the door with arm extended and he would carry on a conversation with my talking hand. Puppet – “Mom just doesn’t understand, right?” Dylan – “Yeah!” in a teary little voice he poured out his heart. We worked out many problems talking to the hand.

But the biggest problem was getting Dylan and his brother out of the community pool on those hot Texas afternoons. They loved to swim and treated each day as if it were their last opportunity ever and held on to the moment for dear life. In an effort to avoid the usual anger, threatening, and arm-tugging style of parenting that I resorted to in those days, I asked them if they wanted to play a game. Little eyes looked up at me with interest. I told them that I was a mama lion and they were my babies and there were hunters that we needed to avoid to get home safely. I took off on the adventure to find them running to keep up. We traversed the neighborhood from bush to stick tree, to the corner of a neighbor’s house, crouched low and whispering…shhh we must be quiet so the hunters don’t see us. We arrived home to snacks in a happy mood and my children didn’t seem to know or care that I’d pulled a fast one. I was the one who learned something important. Life is always more fun when we play.

Yesterday was a day packed with activity. We got up early, cleaned, ran errands, grocery shopped, and showed the house twice to perspective buyers. At seven o’clock, we finally sat to an anticipated quiet evening. Within minutes our friends called to remind us of a dinner invitation that we had completely forgotten. We were thirty minutes late! Oh, well, off we went again, laughing at our oversight. We had a wonderful dinner and appreciated our friends who worked hard to connect with us before we are “outta here”. The day ended with many items checked off our to-do list and a lovely dinner with friends. We played, laughed and avoided the hunters. Mission accomplished.

Dylan still loves the pool.

Dylan still loves the pool.

Dylan and his son Hunter.

Dylan and his son Hunter.

My Son and his family

Our Son and his family

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Miracles Involve a Shift in Perspective

30 Jun

I remember the day my daughter was born. After months of indigestion, not being able to sleep (due to the gymnast residing in my belly), yeast infections, and a changed center of gravity, I went through this scary, uncertain experience called birth. I was 24 years old. It was painful and I didn’t know how long it would last, but in the end, I got the most beautiful gift…mi hija. Those were the days when you had to wait for someone to announce, “It’s a girl” or boy. After she was born, I was amazed at my body that had grown a child, birthed it into the world and was fully equipped to feed her. I had very little to do with it really, but I had faith and trust in this miraculous process.

There are times when I feel like I’m giving birth to this experience called, “moving to Mexico”. I’ve felt much less stressed this week. The house is prepped for selling and we have shown it several times. No one has backed a Brinks truck up to our door and unloaded the required bags of money (my vision). Today and every Sunday we are having an open house until it sells.

We are butterflies struggling out of the cocoon to spread our wings and fly. The struggle is itself part of the miraculous process that is required to throw off the cocoon and strengthen our wings for that migrational trip south. At times it is difficult to hang onto this enlightened perspective, the struggle is part of the process and something to be embraced with lessons of its own.

Visiting Bakersfield

Napping @Grandma’s

2011_Alex_Felice

Taking silly pics with the computer.

San Diego Tea Time

Stressing About Being Stressed

24 Jun

I detach myself from preconceived outcomes and trust that all is well.
~Anita Moorjani~

This is not the sexy part of the Adventures of Dos Tortas. Lisa got out of the hospital on Wednesday with a diagnosis of IBS (Irritible Bowel Syndrome). The combination of less than stellar eating and stress equals severe abdominal pain for her. For me it translates into chest pain and heart palpitations. This is NOT the fun part. At this point, all we can do is TRUST. We have no control, none, zilch, zippidy-doo-dah on the control. We KNOW the house will sell. We don’t know when or to whom. Our rental house is sold and closed. The FOR SALE sign on our present house is out on the curb and we’ve already had a serious looker. They’re bringing a contract. We’ll see.

If you’re considering selling all your possessions (or giving them away) and moving out of the country, here are some things I suggest:
~ Either do it by yourself or have an amazing partner who is “all in”. We have a solid relationship and by that I do not mean the absence of conflict. We have each other’s backs and are numero uno, each to the other.
~ No matter how much time you set aside to prepare, the end will be loco. There will not be enough massages, positive affirmations, meditations or meltdowns that will get you through this process unscathed. We have an incredibly supportive family and friends and that has helped so much.
~ It really helps to have a job that allows you some flexible time to search the web, write a blog or communicate with realtors. (It helps if it pays pretty well too.)
~ Be frugal…rarely eat out, invest in your future, be driven and committed. I mentioned it before, but the book YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE (Robin & Dominguez), played a big part in getting me to this place.
~ Even if you would NEVER sell all your posessions and move out of the country, start today downsizing, simplifying, and being more frugal. All this STUFF takes up a lot of life energy. It must be bought, maintained, stored, disposed of, passed down, cleaned, and organized by you or someone after you’re gone.

Pictures of our house.
There’s also a detailed description on Austin Craig’s List that I posted last night. Please pass this information on to your friends. Maybe their dream is to chuck it all and move to Austin.

Sunset Lake Bacalar

Sunset Lake Bacalar

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A Sidebar

16 Jun

The Tortas were off on an adventure of a different sort this past weekend. Lisa was hospitalized for some tests to discover the source of a nagging abdominal pain turned severe. It’s been going on for quite sometime, but as she is a disabled veteran without health insurance (not able to be on my health insurance since we cannot legally marry) the wheels turn very slowly at the Veterans Administration. That being said, my planned blog will be postponed for now. I cannot close without saying that veterans deserve better medical treatment than they are getting. I viewed a hospital that is understaffed and without infrastructure to handle it’s patient load. This problem started last September and has taken this long due to delays of crucial tests. Finally showing up at the ER on Friday took 9 hours and repeated demands for pain medication. But we are optimistic and very grateful to the kind staff that are keeping her comfortable until we can figure out what is causing this problem. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Until next week dear readers.

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If Men Wore Skirts

9 Jun

Can you imagine going to work, or to the grocery store or church and seeing men wearing skirts? Now imagine how our world would have to change for skirt-wearing men to be the norm. There would be gender equality and a balance of power? Pink and blue beanies would not be the uniform at birth? A lot would have to change in our country to see men comfortable enough to wear skirts.

The change going on in OUR lives isn’t quite as dramatic, but sometimes it feels like it is. We are letting go of all things familiar, jobs, family, neighbors, friends, a home of almost 18 years in a city where I’ve lived since I was 22 years old. I am getting rid of the old, the borrowed and the blue. And I wonder why I feel tense. One week I blog about being fearless and the next, about being stressed out. Arghhhhhhhh.

Because I am committed to honesty I tell you that this is NOT easy. Even though we both want it, have planned it, are excited about the move and the life that we are going to, my body somehow resists. I have been to the doctor who told me that my heart and BP are fine. I meditate, exercise, eat well and get enough sleep. Am I scared? I can’t imagine of what. We have no deadlines really. Things will work out fine however they do. “This too shall pass” is my mantra. I also tell myself that feeling this pressure in my chest is NOT a character flaw. I cannot control the anxiety I feel as much as I want to argue with my body that, “this doesn’t make sense!!” It is what it is and sharing my experience with you helps relieve the pressure. I don’t KNOW it all and I don’t want to appear as if I’ve got it all figured out, because I DON’T. There is a message here that I want to be open to. Perhaps if I do more listening than talking I will hear what it is. This last thought only came to me as I wrote it now. So I get to be fearless in listening to my body. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Enjoying a Sunny Lake Bacalar Day

Enjoying a Sunny Lake Bacalar Day

My Daughter's Wedding 5/13

My Daughter’s Wedding 5/13

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Marry Me

2 Jun

In the middle of planning our escape to Mexico, my daughter was planning a wedding…..and what a beautiful wedding it turned out to be. I arrived last Monday to northern California wine country to assist with the decorating, staging, hand-holding and oooing and aaahing. There was much hugging, kissing and eating, LOTS of eating. I had nails painted, hair fluffed and makeup applied. I also squeezed into underwear two sizes too small that I was too cheap to replace.

The weekend was the coming together of a large, diverse family, four moms, three dads, nine siblings and their spouses, assorted cousins and children. We got to know each other and fell in love with our beauty, willingness to work together and our mutual love for these children who love each other.

The toast I shared at the rehearsal dinner:

Felice and Doug – May 31, 2013
November 18th, we got the call
He went down on one knee! 

She said “yes”, next came the text,

Of a ring selected perfectly.
Now when’s the date?
We can’t wait till summer,

The sooner the better,

No one’s getting any younger.
May 31st it is,

Not that far away,
Save the dates, invitations, wedding showers & a gown without delay.
Families and friends said yes,

As the wedsite counted down,

OMG is this fun?
The flowers, the cake, the lights and the rings,

The dancing and rituals, “I hope no one sings!”
Doug and Felice – a toast to your day,

Before the honeymoon provides a much needed get-away.
The start of a new family,
No one could be prouder than we your parentals,

Tricia & Jerry, Steve & Terry, Max and Lisa and most of all me.

Escorting my daughter on her wedding day.

Escorting my Daughter on her wedding day.

2013 wedding lineup

Jumping for Joy

Jumping for Joy


2013 Engagement

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Living Fearlessly

26 May

If you want to be an honorary Torta, I suggest looking at your response to fear. Miedo is a funny thing. Our parents used it to control us when we were pequeños. It kept us from crossing a busy street or talking to a stranger when we were six years old. But for many people, long after our parents’ voices are gone, fear rules our lives. When I tell people that we are moving to Mexico, the inevitable first pregunta es, “aren’t you afraid?”. I find it difficult not to say something snarky about the fear of movie theaters in Colorado or shopping malls in Arizona.

Am I ever afraid? Of course, but it’s what I strive to DO in the face of uncertainty that allows me to move forward. First, I’ve made a choice NOT to be afraid, about anything. On Friday I rode my scooter to work not realizing we were supposed to get a storm that dumped two inches of rain on Austin streets. When I checked radar saying that it wasn’t a brief shower, I got off work early to beat the Friday afternoon, holiday traffic. I took my time riding home in a monsoon-like downpour. Las calles were flooding and I felt myself getting tense. But when I became aware of my body’s response, I took some breaths, relaxed my shoulders and said, “no fear, you’ll be fine”. Surprisingly I let go and enjoyed la lluvia bonita while choosing less traveled streets and arriving home safely.

Not being afraid is about confronting the lies I tell myself in my head. “You’re going to die.” Is it true? Yes, but not today if I can help it. I make different choices, take calculated risks, relax, have fun, and learn lessons.

When exploring moving to Mexico, I researched the risk of violence and found that Mexico is actually a very safe country. While the drug violence makes the news, it exists primarily in the border area and rarely involves gringos. Mexico is a large country, three times the size of Texas. It has a very diverse environment, big cities, mountains, high desert, and tropical jungles. There is a rich history of ancient civilizations and invasions from Spain, France, and the US. Today it has a public transportation infrastructure that allows easy access to all corners and travelers from Canada, Europe, Russia etc. flock to the beaches, pyramids, museums, mercados and night life.

My grip on Austin is lessening, yet I haven’t quite grabbed on to Mexico. I am somewhere in that middle place of uncertainty, not here and not yet there.

Sometimes taking flight takes letting go.
Letting go takes faith.
Faith takes letting go.
It all requires wings.
And so it goes. Patti Digh “Life Is A Verb”

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao-tsu

Laguna Bacalar

Enjoying a perfect day on Lake Bacalar.

Sun Setting

Sunset

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Starry Starry Nights

19 May

As a child, I spent many evenings gazing skyward, with my father pointing out constellations…the Big Dipper, Orion, Cassiopeia. I never could see Draco the dragon and finally said, “yes Daddy” to stop the pointing and the neck strain. In Mexico I visited the Mayan pyramids of Palenque, home to the ancient astronomers and was awed by the night sky. Moving to Austin to attend the University of Texas, I needed a science elective and choose Astronomy. I stood on the roof of the math-science building for my final exam in 1975…Taurus, Pleiades, Andromeda, you could see stars then. I’ve always loved the dark. I walk in my neighborhood before dawn and wish the neighbors would turn off their porch lights and the city, the street lights. I just want to see the night sky. The stars of Big Bend National Park had me laying out and feeling insignificant and pondering the universe. I managed to travel home from Big Bend by way of the McDonald Observatory, high in the Davis mountains. It was beautiful even though the sky wasn’t that clear and prompted our usual conversation, “Could we live here?”.

The sky that affected me the most was in Thailand. Lisa and I had taken a three-day trek into Northern Thailand at the foot of the Himalayas. We hiked into villages where people spoke indigenous languages. The second night we stayed in a hut perched on the side of a mountain. I got up for my usually visit to the bathroom and stepped onto a balcony under the stars like I had never seen before. I immediately woke Lisa and dragged her out to gaze skyward and point. She is a good sport and stood with me as I missed my dad and wished he could have seen a display of stars he didn’t know existed.

As I ticked off my list of requirements for where we were to retire, I needed the dark, a place to see stars. I was initially disappointed staying in Bacalar, where the sky wasn’t very clear and I could see light pollution coming across the lake from Chetumal. So much seemed perfect and I was afraid that I was going to have to choose between a beautiful lake or a starry starry night. A visit to Teresa, our soon-to-be neighbor changed all that. We sat on her porch making small talk, imagining our own porch on the adjacent property overlooking the lake. Saying our good-byes at the front door, I looked up and saw a sky that rivaled Thailand. That’s when I knew this was where I wanted to live the rest of my life, in the dark and under the stars.

Light Pollution

Light Pollution

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Dia de las Madres

12 May

I do not remember celebrating Mother’s Day while living in Mexico in 1974, but I do remember how children were treated. At 21 years old, my focus was not on children, but the difference between what I observed in my US life and my Mexican life was unmistakable. First, there were no crying babies. NONE! Babies were breastfed and mom was always close by. Children and babies were everywhere and were content. I’d never seen a baby at it’s mother’s breast in New Jersey. In Mexico it was the norm, but it was more than a way to feed a baby.

Second, babies were transported on the body in a rebozo, a shawl wrapped over one shoulder and under the opposite arm used to sometimes carry chickens or cabbages, but most often a baby. Little feet would be sticking out while suspended hammock-like from the front or back of the mother’s body. If older, curious eyes observed the world perched from mom’s hip. There were no bottles or pacifiers or strollers. Attachment parenting was the norm. Dads were also very involved with their children. It was not uncommon to see a man playing with his children on the bus or at the park. Children were visible. There were no baby sitters, with the exception of an older sibling. Children were an everyday part of life. A toddler running down the aisle in church was not met with rolling eyes or clucking tongues.

Recently I was introduced, from two sources to a blog Revolution from Home, written by Beth Berry, a mom raising four daughters and living in Tulum, Mexico. Her observation of the treatment of children and the importance of family tells a better story than I, and supports one more reason for our move to Mexico.

Wearing the Baby - Our Granddaughter Sophia

Wearing the Baby – Our Granddaughter Sophia

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Feliz Cinco Ya’ll

5 May

Cinco de Mayo is celebrated in Austin by waving green, white and red Mexican flags. So much so that I once heard someone point to a Mexican flag and refer to it as a “Cinco de Mayo” flag. It’s a day for family, friends, eating tacos, listening to conjunto and drinking cerveza. Few know what the holiday is really about. When living in Mexico, I visited the Fort de Puebla where a fight for independence took place in 1864. The French, with their highly trained forces thought they had a cake walk in taking over Mexico. A rag-tag militia of about 500 strategically placed Mexican soldiers proved them wrong. Mexico’s independence took years of battles with French, Spanish, US, and British troops. It’s no wonder everyone celebrates a win by the underdogs.

But Cinco is a celebration of much more than the Battle of Puebla. It’s the celebration of a strong, proud, independent people who love to celebrate just about anything. As a youngster from New Jersey, I was wary of a picnic in a cemetery for Day of the Dead. It was a delightful day that allowed me to experience another culture in a very personal way. There are birthdays, saint days, quinceñeras, religious holidays, Sunday picnics, and many more events that I hope to learn about and participate in.

We continue to pack containers, take books to Half Price, have dinner with friends and plan our escape. There are no “final” goodbyes. Just about everyone is invited to visit. So if you think that southern Yucatan may be a vacation destination in your future, get your passport, practice your Spanish and bring a “celebration state-of-mind”, and remember your hammock.

Alex Enjoying a Sunny Lake Bacalar Day Alex enjoying a sunny Lake Bacalar day
Sunset on the Bay of Chetumal Sunset on the Bay of Chetumal

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