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Never Ever Pray For Patience

28 Sep

Last night there was a scorpion in our bed. Not sure how it got there, but its beso stung for about ten minutes and then I was back to sleep. Never a dull moment.

One of Mexico's most famous couples, Freda Kalo & Diego Rivera

One of Mexico’s most famous couples, Freda Kalo & Diego Rivera

The process of retiring, moving, and building a house in Mexico is not for the faint-hearted. It is an endless learning opportunity. The lessons we continue to learn are the result of expectations and privilege as persons born and raised in the United States.  Straddling two cultures and two languages is a daily tightrope. Some days it’s endlessly fun and fascinating, other days, not so much.

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The daily and sometimes hourly challenge is to remind ourselves NOT to blame our difficulties on Mexico. We chose to come here. I don’t think that reading a dozen e-books on how to build a house in Mexico would have helped. Laws change with each turnover in government and our experience in Bacalar will be very different from the next person’s.

At the same time, we are determined to hang in here and see it through. It is so beautiful. It’s a peaceful happy life, even with the occasional scorpion.

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Celebrating Our Twenty Year Relationship

16 Sep

When I was about fourteen, I read The Diary Of A Young Girl by Anne Frank and I began to journal. Since that time, the last thing I do at night is make an entry. When we left Austin for Mexico, I shipped a large box of journals to my daughter with instructions not to read them until I was dead. Unfortunately my writing skills did not bloom until late in life and the journals are primarily filled with angst and complaining. I think she will be quite bored.

Bacalar sunrise.

Bacalar sunrise.

In May 2013 while roaming a bookstore in Austin, I found a small 3x5ish journal called The Happiness Project One-Sentence Journal, A Five-Year Record. Each page is divided into five entries under the same date. It is a manageable way to record my life history. It also gives me perspective. It’s fun to see where we were this time last year.

Super moon.

Super moon.

Each page also has a quote about happiness.

March 3 – Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation. W. H. Sheldon

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September 16 One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

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After twenty years I am still learning how to love, accept and be grateful. I am loved. What more could I ask for?

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You Can Never Have Too Much Inspiration

7 Sep

After the bulb went off over my head about two years ago and I began researching places to retire, I wasn’t 100% sold on México. Lisa and I had made travel an important part of our life. Every trip, Thailand, Turkey, Belize, even the lesbian capital of the world, Provincetown, MA evoked the question, “could we live here?” I guess it was clear that Texas wasn’t our final destination.

Saying adiós to family before leaving Austin.

Saying adiós to family before leaving Austin.

During the research period, a movie came out, with Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, and Dev Patel called, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (for the elderly and beautiful). It isn’t often that a movie has almost all it’s main characters in their sixties and seventies. It also made me laugh out loud.

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A group of aging Brits moves to India to seek an affordable retirement. They discover, that the hotel they are moving into has been photo shopped on the internet by its young and optimistic owner,  played by Dev Patel (Slum Dog Millionaire). His enthusiasm for the future invokes trust (also the fact that they all bought one-way tickets); drama and mayhem ensues.

The south end of Laguna Bacalar.

The south end of Laguna Bacalar.

Besides the joy I experienced watching these characters make choices that transform their lives, there are wonderful inspirational dichos, sayings, that are really the take-away message.

The measure of success is how we cope with disappointment. Disappointment is all about living in the past and wishing things had been different. It took me a long time to figure out that it’s a distraction which keeps me from learning and making different choices now.

There's always a storm somewhere.

There’s always a storm somewhere.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing. I have learned along the way the pitfalls of choosing a life based on safety. It is costly and tastes like cardboard. I love to read inspirational stories of people who step out and grow wings.

Harvesting from our property

Harvesting from our property

All we know about the future is that it will be different. But perhaps what we fear is that it will be the same. So we must celebrate the changes. I can never be reminded too often to celebrate the change in this aging body. I am more relaxed and peaceful and that’s big for me. I still exercise but it’s by choice and because it makes me healthier and happier.

Lisa, her mom and me visiting the pyramids of Palenque.

Lisa, her mom and me visiting the pyramids of Palenque.

I am a big believer in filling my life with inspiration. At the same time, I strive to find inspiration in all things. If you haven’t seen The Amazing Marigold Hotel, add it to your list of things that inspire, no matter how old you are.

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And my favorite quote…Everything will be all right in the end and if it’s not, then trust me, it’s not yet the end. 

It’s All About Communication and Therein Lies The Problem

31 Aug

I have always thought I was a good communicator, which of course is the problem. Anytime we’re good at something, it makes it harder to learn.

I have made presentations and conducted training in a room filled with hundreds of people, once with standing room only. My expertise was men and family planning, the needs of young fathers, and the role of routine HIV testing in a reproductive health setting. Maybe if I had a PowerPoint presentation I could communicate better, LOL.

Sunrise near our property.

Sunrise near our property.

The trouble is, I don’t usually know there’s a problem until it hits me upside the head. Have you ever had a conversation with someone, a co-worker, spouse or one of your kids and felt like you were each speaking a different language? It’s like that here, because we ARE! Even someone who has a reasonable command of English, doesn’t really. It’s the same with my Spanish. It’s about so much more than words.

We’re trying to build a house. We are unfamiliar with the procedures in Mexico. As foreigners, the bank holds title to our property, even though it’s paid for. We must give the bank power of attorney to sign all kinds of documents to get permission to build. It’s the way things are done. This week I felt like I was living in that old Abbott and Costello routine, “Who’s On First”. It helps to have a sense of humor, but frustrating when the house we thought we’d be living in by now, hasn’t started construction. Not by a long shot.

While I realize this sounds like complaining and breaking the “no complaining in paradise” rule, I hope it isn’t. I love where I live. The process may be moving along at a snail’s pace but it’s moving. This week I sat on our soon to be neighbor’s patio and looked at where our house will stand. I looked at the lake and listened to the birds and could visualize living right here. I could FEEL it.

The view from our dock.

The view from our dock.

Folks ask often how the house is coming along and I have avoided discussing it. The answer is slowly, very slowly, often due to a failure to communicate.

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The Benefits of Struggling to Learn Spanish

10 Aug

The New York Times recently posted an op-ed called The Benefits of Failing at French. I can relate.

In 1973, with the already aging brain (linguistically speaking) of twenty-one, I began the lifelong journey of learning a second language. I came to Mexico in the fulfillment of a childhood dream to experience my junior year abroad. I lived with a Mexican family who spoke no English. I had classes four hours a day, four days a week and drank mucho cerveza to loosen the tongue. Over the long weekends and breaks, I traveled as much as possible and fell in love with a culture and people that were difficult to explain when I returned to New Jersey.

Sunset in Cozumel.

Sunset in Cozumel.

In the more than forty years that have passed, I have both clung to and completely forgotten my desire to return to Mexico. As I began entertaining thoughts of retirement, memories of living here ignited fireworks and the rest is, shall we say, her-story.

Crossing the border almost a year ago woke the Spanish synapses that were more than a bit rusty. Those old feelings of my brain aching and not being able to remember words in either language came roaring back. I am happy to report that my Spanish has greatly improved in a year. I have resisted studying and have chosen to learn by practicing. I have conversations in Spanish as often as I can and find that my brain hurts less these days. Yesterday I even had a conversation on the phone, which I usually avoid, as there is no opportunity to read lips. I must admit that when friends comment on my improvement, I want to preen my feathers and crow.

Hotel La Semilla in Playa del Carmen from our recent visit.

Hotel La Semilla in Playa del Carmen from our recent visit.

Lisa had no ability to speak Spanish, other than the curse words picked up on a job site, when we arrived last September. Her first vocabulary words were highway signs on the drive down. Her learning approach has been different from mine. She uses a popular set of educational CDs and a workbook that I bought her. She now converses with locals and orders easily in a restaurant. The reason for her skill is that she doesn’t give up and she isn’t afraid to make mistakes. Our friend’s parents call her the parrot because she uses her thirty or so words, hugs them and leaves. They see her progress and love her effort. More than one of us has something to crow about.

Sunrise this week on Laguna Bacalar.

Sunrise this week on Laguna Bacalar.

So I recommend that you read the New York Times article and don’t miss the comments. Our brains need the challenge. Our changing world needs us to understand one another. What better way than to learn another’s language. And I’ve heard that the third language even gets easier, no matter what age you are.

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Home Sweet Home Bacalar MX

3 Aug

No matter how many wonderful things we see while traveling, expansive vistas, crystal blue ocean, comfy hotel rooms, or ancient pyramids, it’s always good to be home again. I love walking cobblestone paths, peering in quaint tiendas, hanging out with family and friends, but nothing beats coming back to center, being in a familiar environment, clean laundry and eating my own cooking.

Vacations are both restful and exhausting. For Lisa and me, we trade one paradise for another. So why do I feel tired? Note to self, I don’t seem to do well with living out of a suitcase. I prefer a home base.

One of our recent vacation stops was the island of Cozumel. We rented a scooter to zip around and stopped at the Mayan pyramids of San Gervasio.

A covering to protect an ancient temple.

A covering to protect an ancient temple.

Description in three languages.

Description in three languages.

Our tour guide.

Our tour guide.

An archway built without mortar.

An archway built without mortar.

Lisa the explorer.

Lisa the explorer.

Orchids growing in the parking lot where we parked the scooter.

Orchids growing in the parking lot where we parked the scooter.

San Gervasio is a temple to the Goddess of love and fertility, Ixchel. Women traveled here to ask for relationships and babies. While visiting we said prayers for our daughter who is having her own fertility challenges. Just to be sure, we stopped at the little Catholic church in town to cover our bases.

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Bicycle Bacalar – Número Dos

20 Jul

When we arrived in Bacalar, Mexico for the first time almost two years ago, we had our rose-colored glasses on. We saw what we wanted to see, a small eclectic village situated on the most beautiful lake in Mexico. Yes, the streets were bumpy, the houses run down, and there was lots of trash. But that’s Mexico, no? The people were warm and welcoming. We fell in love from the get-go and decided that we could be happy living here.

As we round the corner on our one-year anniversary as full time Bacalareñas, we’ve noticed many changes in our little town. The streets are cleaner. Roads are being repaired and beautification is everywhere.

The number one improvement for me is that there is now a place to recycle plastic. We see people picking up discarded bottles from the roadway. It will take time for recycling to catch on, but I have hopes.

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Lisa is appreciating the new tables and benches recently constructed near Fort San Felipe in the center of town. They are perfect for an afternoon picnic in the shade while enjoying lake breezes.

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These wonderful Mayan carvings have been erected at every intersection for a half mile along the southern road into Bacalar. They are lit at night and each one is unique and beautiful. The stelae pay homage to a rich heritage for visitors and locals alike.

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The road leading out of Bacaler to the north has new street lights, a pedestrian walkway, freshly painted curbs and a modern bus stop. We often see people sitting on the benches watching the world go by.

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Hats off to the new presidente of our municipality, Don Chepe. His heart, vision and hard work have improved the beauty and quality of life for the people of Bacalar. How often can we say that for an elected public official? Bravo.

Bicycling Bacalar – Practical and Spiritual

13 Jul

I find that living in small town Bacalar, Mexico, population 11,000 is an endless opportunity to be curious. I am curious about my chosen neighbors whose lives are very different from mine. What better way to observe unobtrusively than from the seat of my bicycle.

I ride on a daily basis, to visit a friend, stop by the market or pick something up at the pharmacy. It is both practical and spiritual. I must stay “in the moment” to avoid speeding taxis, less than friendly dogs, potholes and the never ending topes (speed bumps). It’s fun to ride a new street, nodding and greeting folks the way it is done all over Mexico, buenos días, or buenas tardes. Perhaps some day I will be as my friend Soco who has lived here all her life. It takes her twenty minutes to drive out of town on her way to work because she must wave, greet and sometimes stop and hug everyone she passes. What a lovely way to live.

Visiting the cemetary.

Visiting the cemetary.

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Kayaking Laguna Bacalar – Hawks, Bromeliads and Wild Orchids

6 Jul

By all reports, this summer has been windier than normal on Laguna Bacalar in Southern Mexico, resulting in a choppy lake and few trips out in my kayak. I have missed the quiet mornings of gliding along the mangroves feeling like an early explorer discovering a new world.

This week has provided the delightful surprise of waking to a flat, quiet laguna and I’ve been off in my little blue kayak.

Perfect kayaking conditions.

Perfect kayaking conditions.

The opposite shore is thick with beautiful mangroves. It takes me about 15 minutes to traverse the lake from our house. The endless rains of last fall made it easy to cut through the mangroves to explore the canals east of the laguna. This week I managed to travel south along the groves observing the large black and white hawks known as kites that are out in search of snails for breakfast.

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The cool mornings allow a private tour of the peaceful edge of the laguna. The mangroves are a haven to sea birds and air plants. Bromeliads and wild orchids cling to the branches waiting for the rainy season to begin in earnest.

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Wild orchids.

Wild orchids.

Today we had another sort of lake excursion planned. Our friends from Tulum were visiting for a weekend getaway, and Lisa arranged for a launch to take us out on the laguna for a day of swimming and picnic. We could not have picked a better day.

Heading out to enjoy the lake.

Heading out to enjoy the lake.

Our friends Hillary and Amir brought their boat around and picked us up for a four hour tour. Hillary’s mother and aunt follow my blog from Canada, so this shout-out is for them.

Greetings from Hillary in Bacalar.

Greetings from Hillary in Bacalar.

A fun day was had by all.

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World Cup Football – Just Don’t Call it Soccer

29 Jun

I began watching the World Cup four years ago and became enthralled with the passion, skill and enthusiasm of the game. Soccer as it is called in the US is right up there with watching paint dry for most Americans. There’s the endless running up and down and low score that keeps most people at the chips and quacamole in the kitchen instead of glued to the big screen.

The general feeling among the expats has been to cheer for Mexico, and Central and South America over Europe, Africa and Japan. Of course there’s also the US matches which have been nail biters as well.

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The locals have been quite curious and appreciative as we scream for Mexico. No beers required.

La Playita a great little restaurant for World Cup viewing.

La Playita a great little restaurant for World Cup viewing.

Today is a big game for Mexico which determines whether they advance or stall. EVERYONE in Mexico has plans as to where they will watch the game. A huge screen will be set up in town for mass viewing. Restaurants are advertising take away food so no one is stuck in the kitchen during the game. The energy is electric.

Hotel Bacalar provides food and a beautiful view.

Hotel Bacalar provides food and a beautiful view.

Futol (as opposed to American football) does not play to TV audiences. There are no breaks for advertisers that have paid millions for a 30 second piece of you. There is amazing skill, honed from childhood, beautiful muscular bodies that are every straight woman and gay man’s dream, amazing acting when bumped and tripped by the opposition, and even front page drama when one player has this weird proclivity for biting his opponent.

This week while making small talk with our new young doctor, Lisa asked him about futbol and his face lit up. There’s something about not referring to Mexico’s pride and joy as soccer that is greatly appreciated and shows respect.

So if you’ve never watched World Cup futbol (it only happens every four years), now’s your chance. At least catch the final match on July 13, 2pm CT. Go to a sports bar and pick a team and yell with the crowd and above all, don’t call it soccer.

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