Last week we celebrated the Hindu festival of Diwali around a communal table with people we had just met. I tell myself and whoever will listen that I want more people in my life ie friends. Most of the legacy people that we met in Bacalar when we arrived ten years ago, have aged out, sold their homes and moved on. The community that we thought we were moving into, disintegrated like crumbling Mayan pyramids.
I sat at dinner last Saturday between two men. They each sat with their body turned away from me talking to the person on the opposite side. This behavior is something that I’m used to. I find that I am invisible to most men. As an old woman (71), men rarely give me the time of day. As a lesbian too, I do not flirt or dress to please. I’ve given up that game a long time ago.
And then something surprising happened. Terry, to my left, began to engage with me. The man HE had been talking to was flirting with the women at the other end of the table. That left me. We talked, Mayan Train, health, family and diet. He did some mansplaining about things that I was quite knowledgeable about, so I listened.
The evening was enjoyable, although I learned something about myself. I really don’t do well in crowds, even small ones. I disengage or talk to one person at a time. In the past, I’ve made the decision to get to know someone by really going after them, a brunch date or an invitation to our house. And like anything else, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m about 25% success rate.
Covid allowed me to be a hermit and my friendship muscles have atrophied. I have a gym acquaintance who owns a restaurant in Bacalar and who is willing to host a monthly expat gathering. I’m going to get the word out on social media. We will start in the new year. For me the personal stretch of those underutilized friendship muscles will be to show up and engage. And just maybe I will find a new friend.
DOS TORTAS
the adventures of dos tortas 
Yes, you do want friends! One of the many variables of the blue zones (centenarians)is that people have social connections. Although you have to differentiate between acquaintances and friends, there is a difference.
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Yes, you do want friends! One of the many variables of the blue zones (centenarians)is that people have social connections. Although you have to differentiate between acquaintances and friends, there is a difference.
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Both Jeff and I are introverts, so home is our refuge, but I too think I want friends here in Progreso. We have a lot of close friends back in Virginia and places around the world. We have this community from a 40+ years relationship– back at the start of the hippie movement. We all went through Kent State together while in the Town that is home to Va Tech. We bonded over many things during all the years that followed. I still stay close through FB with a lot of those friends. When we came to live here, we found a lot of people that would meet up at bars and drink the afternoons away. Jeff and I tried to meet people that way, but like you, I want a one on one and this was huge tables of people that didn’t seem to care for long in-depth conversations. We invited couples to our home for drinks and good snacks and became friends through those interactions……but there is something missing. I think it takes many years to develop that closeness with most people. We also find it hard with the division of political opinions, not that that is the most important thing in life, but it does define one as to how they see life. As a former Social Worker, it’s really hard to get past some mindsets. I find it mostly exhausting to go to big parties, dinners, etc. and it takes me several days after to feel like myself. I belong to the Neurodivergent group on FB and its eye opening how many people feel this exact way.
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We too have “friends” in Austin. If I were in town they’d show up in a heartbeat but they make no moves to reach out otherwise. They will ooo and ahhh at our pictures of Bacalar and then vacation in the Bahamas. I will continue to push myself. I think attachment to our devices gives us the illusion of connection. We’re trying to get to Merida over the holidays. Maybe if you’re around we could meet?
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“Covid allowed me to be a hermit and my friendship muscles have atrophied.” <– This, so much this. Very well said. I am trying to figure this out. A neighbor was friendly to me when we moved into our new house here in 2022. I am ashamed to say that I rebuffed her overtures, and I know she thinks I am an unfriendly snob, when I have never been so in the past. In addition to being an introvert and a hermit, like you, during the pandemic, I was going through a family crisis that was too personal to share with someone I barely knew. I'm hoping I can mend this fence in time.
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Bake cookies, tell her you were a jerk. No explanation needed.
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Making new friends can get harder in older age, particularly for expats. I think the expat gathering sounds like a great idea and well worth a punt. Like you, Liam and I much prefer one-to-one meets – larger crowds can be exhausting but we throw ourselves in anyway. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
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Amen. We’ll give it a shot.
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Alex, your observations in this post closely reflect my own experiences. I also tend to be a one-on-one person. I definitely want and need friends, but a number of my long-time friends have moved away from Austin. We stay in touch, sort of, but they are not nearby. I continue to make the effort to create new friendships, but it is frustrating. Our mobile society means neighbors and members of groups that I am in come and go frequently. My only close family members live far away. Keep trying. I will also. Marcia
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Lovely to hear from you. Yes, i’m one of those people who left. Have you ever tried yahoo meet ups? Groups form around shared interests. If I were in the states I’d look there.
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You are still writing!
I haven’t followed in years. So good to find you again!
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Welcome back. I am still writing. It’s good for me and seems to be valuable to a handful.
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