We All Make Mistakes

7 Oct

This week has been crazy on so many levels. While traveling back to California, I missed my flight out of Mexico City. It was totally my fault, but nonetheless caused a domino affect of long waits, additional expenses and cancelled debit card. While I ultimately reached my destination it wasn’t without the onset of a head cold that has me off limits to my granddaughters. The need for lots of rest is not necessarily a bad thing.

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Leaving Chetumal at dawn. Adiós Mexico for another month.

Sitting in bed has me doing the most unproductive behavior possible, watching the news, specifically the Kavanaugh debacle. A positive outcome, and I hope there are many, is that women are remembering long dismissed experiences and talking about them. I know I am. I’d like to share an incident where I spoke up and the resulting, appalling reactions of my community.

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Mexico City airport sculpture exhibit helps pass the time. Metamorphosis – Between Heaven and Earth.

In March 2017 I sent an email to our local list-serve reporting an incident with a very popular dentist in the Bacalar expatriate community. He speaks English and was recommended when we first moved to Mexico. You know how it is, you move to a new place and ask around for a dentist. Dr. M was the one. Then he tried to kiss Lisa.

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My favorite piece.

It was so easy to think she misread cues. After all everyone kisses everyone in Mexico. However, this was NOT the case. When we discovered two other women, friends of ours, who had the same experience, it was time to warn people. I did not expect the response I got.

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The emails that ensued made my head spin. People came to his defense. They accused me of reporting hearsay. They recounted all the years they had gone to him and he didn’t try to kiss THEM. I finally sent out the following email:

Dear Friends,

Because it didn’t happen to YOU doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Because it is reported anonymously doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. When it happens to YOU and you speak up and others come forward, you don’t get to say, why didn’t you say something sooner? The responses to my email is exactly why women don’t share. We are questioned and doubted. Most of us have been groped, forced, touched without permission, and some assaulted. If it’s happened to one, it’s happened to others. This was presented as information and a warning. Please consider this discussion closed unless you know how we can report it officially. Alex

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I love the morning visit with the dogs to our dock.

I cannot imagine what Christine Blasey Ford is going through. I doubt my blog will change anyone’s mind. Yesterday I watched several of his female judicial clerks describe Judge Kavanaugh in glowing terms. No one is calling him a monster. Everyone makes mistakes. In my opinion he should not be sitting on the Supreme Court, period. Please comment, share and subscribe.

DOS TORTAS

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13 Responses to “We All Make Mistakes”

  1. emilys72016 October 7, 2018 at 2:11 pm #

    Oh wow, I couldn’t agree more with your post. So sorry about the dentist and the reactions you received when telling about it. It’s so wrong when things like this are brushed under the rug, denied, and the victim is made to feel guilty and wrong. I am heartened to see that awareness is spreading, but it’s all too slow. In the meantime, we are stuck with a soon-to-be Supreme Court Justice that is undeserving on many levels. I am still angry about President Obama’s pick, Merrick Garland, being treated so shabbily by the Republican-led Congress, who wouldn’t even consider him.

    Like

    • afish25 October 7, 2018 at 3:23 pm #

      Anger only burns holes in us. I am going to church for the first time in almost 50 years. It inspires me to be a kinder person. Also more fearless. We all must be fearless.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. emilievardaman October 7, 2018 at 3:09 pm #

    Often times, if people can’t see the results, they think nothing ever happened. The same thing happens with disabilities. People can’t see physical disability so they think there is none.
    Many years ago, I was assaulted quite badly. It is only recently with all the horrid comments toward Ms. Ford, that I began to wonder if in some twisted way, if I wasn’t more fortunate. No one could deny my attack. One person did, however, try to twist things and make me somehow to blame. I’ve always wondered what terrible things he would have said had I been raped.

    Liked by 1 person

    • afish25 October 7, 2018 at 3:21 pm #

      They say that being happy is the best revenge, not that we need to get revenge. We do need to be happy however. A big hug to you. Thanks for telling you story however briefly. Stay connected. Be kind. It’s the only way.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Kate October 7, 2018 at 4:51 pm #

    What really bothered me, other than the lack of a complete investigation by the FBI (by design/intent), was how his supporters kept talking about due process and inncocent until proven guilty. They consistently failed to understand that this was NOT a criminal process, but a freaking job interview! I have several incidents of molestation and hassassment in the past, and never spoke about it for fear of jeaopardizing my military career. I dealt with it at the time, but never forgot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • afish25 October 7, 2018 at 4:53 pm #

      The incidences of sexual assault and harassment in the military is staggering. Live your best life. Be happy. Otherwise they win.

      Like

  4. CARLA KUIKEN October 7, 2018 at 5:40 pm #

    Excellent point Alex, I had not made the connection. Very true. What is wrong with these men…?

    Liked by 1 person

    • afish25 October 7, 2018 at 8:19 pm #

      They must be taught. There was a protest of men in suits in front of the Supreme Court Building, calling on men to step up. It was very moving.

      Like

  5. Emily October 8, 2018 at 8:02 am #

    Thanks for the reminder that sexual aggressors are international. I mourn the appointment of a perjuror to our highest court.

    Like

  6. Jack Scott October 8, 2018 at 10:25 am #

    I won’t comment on the Kavanaugh case as I’m not American but I’m delighted you spoke up about the lecherous dentist. Unacceptable behaviour must challenged.

    Liked by 1 person

    • afish25 October 8, 2018 at 12:00 pm #

      I was shocked at the attacks on me and defense of his “reputation”. All three women came forward to report his behavior and still the community didn’t stop. When we shared w a female dentist in his building, she rolled her eyes. She clearly knew what we were talking about. It’s the old boys will be boys mentality. Lord have we got our work cut out.

      Like

  7. Karen October 12, 2018 at 3:18 pm #

    It is astonishing to me how little some women think of other women. The defense of a man’s “reputation” is paramount, as if the woman telling about an assault has nothing else to do other than lie and create false accusations. I said in response to one of these “oh poor pitiful men” posts, “Men have been just fine for 2,500 years. I’m sure they will continue to be fine.” Aaaargh.Yes, we have got our work cut out.

    Like

    • afish25 October 12, 2018 at 4:19 pm #

      Women are told from birth in a million ways that they are less than, less valuable, stupid, less capable, on and on. It’s impossible not to internalize that message. Our mother’s pass it down to us.

      Like

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