Tag Archives: self image

Feeling Stupid Is So…Stupid

21 Nov

Before I retired from the Texas State Health Department, I worked at a job that I loved. It was creative, meaningful, and funded by a federal grant. With the shift toward conservative politics, the funds dried, up as did my job. I was moved to another department that had an empty position. After years of a hiring freeze, I don’t think anyone even remembered what tasks were associated with that position. As a result, I was given no assignments. None, zip, zilch. I begged my boss to use my grant writing and organizational skills. In spite of promises to do so, I sat twiddling my thumbs and planning my escape to Mexico.

Our prompt for the week, NOT KNOWING

One day while perusing the department website, I noticed that the program material was outdated, wordy, and poorly organized. I asked and was given permission to take training to work on our section of the larger Health Department website. Web editing and development were far outside of my wheelhouse.

Adding my own graffiti.

The training was challenging and went a long way to stimulate my mind and teach me that I can pretty much do anything. So when this week had me spilling frustrated tears over failure to figure out an Application that is part of my art class, I needed to be reminded of my ability. Like many people, being called or thought of as “stupid”, especially by oneself, is the lowest of the low.

Ms Bossy Pants, Stela supervising in the studio.

The truth I learned is that I have judgement about people who don’t have basic computer skill. One of those people is my brother. He has an old phone, no texting, no exchange of photos, nada. I finally figured out the application, more or less. And just in case you wondered, I am stupid about a lot of things. Aren’t we all?

DOS TORTAS

Self Image and Aging

25 Oct

This week I bit the bullet, so to speak and started taking blood pressure medication. This is after years of a vegan diet, daily meditation and an exercise regime. Both my parents had high blood pressure. Apparently one third of hypertension is hereditary. Getting older is definitely not for sissies.

Thanks for the genes Mom and Dad. My parents were married 50 years.

I’ve always had enviable numbers. Through the birth of three children my midwives were in awe of my low pressure. Health fairs and work related screenings evoked comments like, “wow, I wish my pressure were as good as yours.”

Keeping track this month.

During the last year or so of routine doctor’s visits, I’ve seen raised eyebrows and looks of concern. Don’t you just hate it? I’ve hunkered down on my eating but had to finally admit that this is as good as it gets. My battery operated home monitor won’t budge. I’ve even changed the batteries and had Lisa take her BP for comparison. No dice, the numbers aren’t good.

My doctor finally said something this week that clicked. He told me to take the medication and monitor how I FEEL. Hopefully my energy will improve. This is a trial for a month, at least I tell myself. Evidence says otherwise. We live too far from a hospital and a stroke is nothing I’d wish on anyone, least of all me.

Our doctor Oscar. Do you have your doctor’s cell phone number?

It’s going to take awhile for my heart to adjust to the medication. I woke the first morning feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. It may take even longer to change my self image.

DOS TORTAS

Self image can be a double edged sword.
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