Advice Taken

20 Aug

When I was about eighteen my older brother married Ronnie. She was a petite redhead with huge fiery curly hair. I loved her dearly. With four brothers, she was the big sister I never had.

In 1974 I returned to the US from a year abroad, studying Spanish in Mexico. I felt uncertain as to the direction my life should take. A teacher I admired had casually suggested I go to Austin and finish my education at the University of Texas. Not having a better idea, I applied, was accepted and got on a plane. Ah the spontaneity and optimism of youth.

University of Texas tower.

I tell the story in more detail as to how I ended up in Austin at Down To Our Skivvies

Austin in August 2023

I’m not sure what I expected in Texas, in August. It was hot as hell, like I swore you could fry eggs on the sidewalk. I was a fish out of water. I called home to the East Coast and talked to Ronnie. I was crying, homesick and wanting to throw in the towel. Nothing in Austin was familiar and I had no one to turn to. Instead of getting the sympathy I sought, I got a kick in the pants.

Ronnie told me to stay and figure it out! In a way she told me that I could do it. Her confidence in me gave ME confidence in me. And she was right.

There are so many forks in the road that can direct the rest of our lives. Staying in Austin was a big one for me. I found help, made friends, found housing, independence and a whole new life that lead to where I am today. I’m not sure I ever thanked Ronnie. She and my brother separated a few years later and I never saw her again. Hang on to people when you can. You never know when advice given or received can completely change someone’s life.

DOS TORTAS

Who Needs An Alarm When You’ve Got A Dog

13 Aug

This week Lisa and I are off on a long awaited and meticulously planned trip. She left on Thursday to travel with her mom to Cancun and on to Southern California. I am traveling through Mexico City to see my daughter in Northern California. We will meet up in a couple of weeks.

Stella supervising.

My last night in Bacalar, I tossed and turned, restlessly anticipating the morning’s departure, I finally fell into a deep sleep and had the most vivid dream. In the dream I had overslept and missed my flight entirely. In that way that dreams can be, I stumbled madly over and over with my iPad, attempting to somehow reschedule the missed flight which of course was impossible.

Ten minutes before my six a.m. alarm sounded, Luna began whining to be let out. Waking, to my relief and frustration, I had not missed the flight, but I wanted to strangle the dog. Argh.

Luna, Love her and hate her,

Wonderful house sitters are in place and I am traveling to cooler climate. And while I’ll miss them, (NOT! well maybe a little), there will be no dogs. Stay tuned.

DOS TORTAS

Success Builds Success

6 Aug

I started graduate school at the University of Texas in 1994 at age forty-two. The day was exactly twenty years after I had walked onto the UT campus for the first time to get my under graduate degree in 1974.

The famous University of Texas Tower lit up for having won a football game.

I had been a stay-at-home mom, caring for three children and helping our family survive on one income. But events changed and I needed to get back into the world. I needed a job. Computers were relatively new and I was low on confidence and unsure as to how to find my way.

Graduate school seemed like the obvious answer. I did the required prerequisite class in statistics at community college. I was the oldest class member in all situations but I persevered and grew in confidence. My brain worked just fine albeit a bit slower. I had to take the GREs (Graduate Record Examination), a standardized entrance exam in math and English. I hadn’t had algebra since high school. A prep class, a lot of studying, crossed fingers and I passed with a more than adequate score. Success breeds success!

When Lisa and I left Texas for Bacalar in 2013 we had to make a lot of decisions as to what we would keep and what items were sold or given away.

Packed

For some reason, I held onto my old graduate school term papers. Writing them had taught me so much. I learned how to do research, spending hours in library stacks. Today’s students would laugh at how things were done in the “old days”.

Dot matrix printer.
My major was Health Education.
My focus was adolescents.

These term papers were the beginning of honing my skills as a writer. Best of all were the comments from teachers. Where else does someone of import write “Well done”, appreciating the extraordinary effort of a middle-aged mom returning to academia? I have held onto these papers for almost thirty years. Time to let them go. Today I can look back and pat myself on the back and say “well done”. I no longer need confirmation from out-dated college term papers.

1996 Graduation

DOS TORTAS

Have You Always Exercised?

30 Jul

This week, in an almost empty gym, a young woman ambled up and asked me in SPANISH, “have you always exercised?” She had blond hair and a braid down her back the width of my arm. She’s Colombian and has lived in Bacalar four years. I was thrilled by her question.

Nevys

I think many of the locals that work out at the gym think that I don’t speak Spanish, which is barrier number one to conversation. Barrier number two is that I don’t socialize. I’m not chatty, I tend to focus on my work-out, nose to the grindstone. And then there’s the biggest barrier, I’m old.

71 and not getting any younger.

I have worked on overcoming these barriers, except for the old part. There’s nothing much I can do about that. Research clearly shows that a contributing factor to longevity is having close personal relationships, right up there with diet and exercise. In Mexico it is thought rude not to greet everyone with, “buenos días” upon arrival. I make a habit of looking at people and greeting them every morning. There’s been little change in camaraderie however, until this week.

15 months progress. Slow but steady.

I know I’ve talked about this topic before. It is not easy for me but I’m determined. I asked the receptionist her name and now use it when I arrive each day and this week I made a new friend. I will attempt to nourish this seedling. Wish me luck.

DOS TORTAS

Damn Butterflies

23 Jul

She lived across the street from us. Terry was born in South Austin in 1933 and bought her house when she married Bill. They raised two kids there and when we met her she was a widow living alone, her adult children were long grown. Our older tree-lined neighborhood was an Austin treasure with houses built in the early 60’s. It used to be that the only way to buy a house there was when someone died. We got our house because the previous owner moved to a nursing home.

We kept an eye on all the elders in our neighborhood. Terry’s house once flooded. She had a dry creek behind her yard that turned out not to be so dry one spring downpour. Lisa built a French drain to channel the water away from her house. That was the only time she asked for help. She was an independent old coot and we loved her.

My favorite story about Terry was her love for a pink flowering vine called Queen’s Wreath that grew on the side of her house. The butterflies also loved it and gravitated to its sweet nectar. The trouble was, when the butterflies lighted on the flowers, the petals fell off. One day I came upon Terry muttering, “damn butterflies” as she shood them off her beloved flowers.

Queen’s Wreath

A neighbor found Terry unconscious in her carport one day. Her car door was open so she was clearly about to run errands. Her head was bleeding. We never saw her again. Her children whisked her away. We didn’t have a relationship with them and we got complacent. The time for Terry to make her own decisions had run out.

Some time afterward there was a flurry of activity at her place. A couch was carried to the curb. Lisa inquired and was gifted the couch. They were emptying out her house to sell it. Terry was living with her daughter.

We knew the couch was brand new. It took days of airing and scrubbing. Terry also had a big floofy white cat. We still have the couch. As a matter of fact I’m sitting on it right now. Luna gives up her spot now and then.

We left Austin September 2013.

One day I was thinking about Terry and found her obituary. It made me sad yet brought back good memories. And whenever we find ourselves complaining about some inconsequential thing, we remember “damn butterflies” and think of Terry and smile.

DOS TORTAS

Learning To Be Fearless

16 Jul

The 1950s in the United States was a time of recovery. Soldiers came home from war, bought little houses, married and had families. There were five children in our little house. I was the only girl.

My parents lived here when I was born.
My youngest brother had not been born yet.

It was a time of much less fear than there is today. I walked by myself to kindergarten in the fire station a half mile from my house. I loved cookies and milk, listening to stories and drawing. One day the teacher put on lively music and each child was to select a musical instrument to march with around the room. Nothing appealed to me so I choose the baton and stepped up to lead the band. That move got me labeled bossy, and wanting to be in charge, not a good look for a little girl in those days.

My mother braided my hair every day.

On my daily walk home from kindergarten, I passed a house with a large, exuberant German shepherd dog. I barely breathed walking by that house. One day the dog was loose and came charging toward me. He was almost as tall as I was. Instinct kicked in. I glued my arms to my sides and stood like a statue. The dog circled and sniffed and calmly walked away. I knew better than to run but I sure wanted to. I was so proud of myself! I had looked fear in the eyes and survived.

Four children in six years.

I’m not sure where I was going with this story. I wish I could say that fearlessness stayed with me my whole life, but it did not. It took being an older woman to come into that fearless part of myself. Today I would never stand for the bullying, and abuse I put up with at home, in school and on the job. I have a life that I am proud of with no regrets. it is good to be alive. I looked fear in the eyes and survived.

DOS TORTAS

Happy Eight Luna – Mexican Rescue

9 Jul

We never know exactly when Luna’s birthday is. Friends found her under their car tied in a trash bag. She appeared to be a few months old, covered in fleas and tics. I decided that US Independence Day July 4th was as good a day as any to recognize. Happy Birthday Luna.

Left in a bag on the street covered in ticks and fleas. August 2015
She wasn’t much bigger than my sandals. Lanky legs and a puppy belly.
Luna loved the hammock now she’s afraid of it 😆
So regal.
Don’t mess with a blind pug.

Luna is a very good girl. She has a large deep voice that we didn’t expect. She acts like she’ll take your head off but is a big scaredy-cat. It’s hard to believe she’s eight years old. Happy birthday sweet Luna.

DOS TORTAS

Www.Beachdogrescue.org

Folks doing good work here. Donations welcome.

Bacalar Pride

2 Jul

Being members of the over the hill crowd, we rarely venture out at night, by which I mean the afternoon.

A rare sighting.
The new large palapa with the laguna in the distance provides event space for the community.

Friday night, my lovely and I ventured into Bacalar for a date night. We had already postponed it once and were determined to get out of the house, besides trips to the gym and doctors’ appointments. There was a health fair happening in the newly renovated Centro palapa. We put a comb through hair and dug out clean shirts and off we went.

My Sweetie.

There are so many new restaurants in Bacalar but I chose the tried and true Italian on the square. We ate our vegan pizza so fast, it was all but gone before I remembered to take a picture.

Vegan pizza. Artichoke, spinach, and mushroom.

The health fair included free massages which we never pass up. Lisa can take her clothes off faster than anyone I’ve ever seen. The tiny young woman who gave my muscles a squeeze was pretty good. As we were exchanging contact information I discovered that she is the daughter of our new jardinero (gardener)! Even with all the growth, Bacalar is still a small town.

Our Mayan massage therapist Karla.

We joined the Zumba class for a few wiggles.

Gotta love Zumba.

And while ambling back toward the car, we ran into Bacalar’s very own Pride Parade!

Small but fierce.

You have to love Mexican spontaneity. If this little fanfare was planned, nothing was posted, which is the norm. We don’t usually find out about goings ons until they’ve already happened. Not this time!

All in all we had a really good time. Perhaps we’ll venture out a bit more frequently. Once the sun drops to a certain level, the breeze off the Laguna is actually pleasant. And who knows who or what we might run into?

DOS TORTAS

This year more than ever we need all the Pride we can muster.

What A Week What A Week

24 Jun

It’s been a hot one in the jungle of Bacalar, Mexico. We’ve also had rain which has been lovely. Rain cools us off for about five minutes.

Last Saturday was the annual open water swim across Laguna Bacalar. It ended up being more fun than I expected. The sun peaked in and out of the clouds which kept the sunburn to a minimum. I came in fifth in my age group and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I would maybe swim again next year. Don’t hold me to it!

Newly emerged from the water.
My friend Maria from Mexico City.

On Monday we took Lisa’s mom to the doctor. She’d been having diarrhea that we couldn’t get under control. In the doctor’s office, Alice had a seizure. Wheels moved quickly and an appointment was made to travel to Merida on Tuesday to insert a pacemaker.

She is such a trooper. ❤️

There is a family history of heart issues and Covid only made things worse. We were aware that a pacemaker would likely be an eventuality. Alice’s success at the gym had made us hopeful that she could avoid the surgery. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be.

Alice and I pulled out of Dodge at five a.m. for the four hour drive. Lisa’s back could not take the long drive and someone had to stay with the dogs. I volunteered to take her. The procedure required one night in the hospital in Merida and another four hour drive home. Life certainly does surprise.

Heading home.

Alice is recovering as am I. The swim plus hours of driving, dealing with the doctors and the hospital really took it out of me. No spring chickens here.

DOS TORTAS

A Time Long Ago

18 Jun

My first foray into electronic communication was a pager. I had a job in 1993 that required field work and my supervisor wanted to be able to contact me. It was also convenient for my partner and children.

Happy Pride
Evening doodles

The only person who didn’t like the pager was me! I felt tethered. It felt weird for people to be able to reach me all the time. I tend to be a private person.

Fast forward to today when EVERYTHING is public. Most of the folks at the gym spend more time posing and recording their every muscle, than they do actually working out. We “follow “ each other rather than having relationships.

Learning to draw faces
My ladies.

And much to my wife’s annoyance, I often forget my phone at home, or in the car, sigh. I am certainly not one who has a phone on my wrist. In Mexico no one calls each other anyway. They use WhatsApp, a texting application which is rarely used in the States.

Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing from people. I enjoy the comments on the blog, Facebook and Instagram (dos_tortas). I guess I’m more a product of the times than I want to admit. But anytime you want to have a conversation, just let me know, we’ll set it up.

DOS. TORTAS

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