Praying To My Mother

10 May

When my mother was alive she used to tell me that she would pray to her mother, my grandmother. Nan loved to gamble. Bingo was her favorite and nickel slots in Atlantic City. I’m not sure you would call that gambling but it kept her entertained. Mom would go on a cruise, play the slot machines and pray to my grandmother to help her win. I would chuckle and roll my eyes. What did I know?

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My first religious experience. 1952 my mother was 30.

My mother and I were extremely different. She was very religious and me not so much. I never got the whole “praying” concept. I figured if God were omniscient, what would be the point? I’ve heard people pray to get things, as if God were their own personal Amazon Prime in the sky. It never made much sense to me.

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A bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding.

I’m figuring out what prayer is for me. It’s about taking stock and being grateful. I’ve been praying when I’m afraid, acknowledging my selfishness, and expressing my desire to learn to be kind. God doesn’t talk back much and that’s ok. Sometimes I need someone to listen.

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My mother and I shared a love for dance.

I’ve been thinking about my mother a lot lately and realizing that I’ve had a lot of judgements about her and taken some of her choices personally. I wish we could sit down over a cup of tea, something we didn’t do when she was here. Happy Mother’s Day Mom and to all of you. It’s time to make peace even if our moms are long gone. So I pray to her in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. She doesn’t say much, but I do think she listens and that’s just fine.

DOS TORTAS

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10 Responses to “Praying To My Mother”

  1. Becky Engram May 10, 2020 at 8:19 am #

    I really enjoy reading “you.” Thanks for sharing you.

    On Sat, May 9, 2020 at 5:33 PM the adventures of dos tortas wrote:

    > afish25 posted: “When my mother was alive she used to tell me that she > would pray to her mother, my grandmother. Nan loved to gamble. Bingo was > her favorite and nickel slots in Atlantic City. I’m not sure you would call > that gambling but it kept her entertained. Mom would” >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pat May 10, 2020 at 11:31 am #

    This was so beautiful and so personal to me. Thank you. I never was able to sit down with a cup of tea and just be myself with my mother and ask her to talk to me. And thank you for St. Teresa’s prayer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • afish25 May 10, 2020 at 12:04 pm #

      My mother once had a long conversation with my wife telling her how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. When I came in the room she claimed up. She had so much trouble speaking her heart.

      Like

  3. Karen Hodgens May 10, 2020 at 5:55 pm #

    Lots of take-aways from this Alex! “It’s about taking stock and being grateful” is one. I’m afraid a lot these days in the time of COVID as I live in the hot spot of Virginia. I’m sure you’re right that it’s time to make peace with my mother, gone since 1990. I was her only child and she was like a giant Anaconda–if I let down my guard she’d swallow me whole. I hope she is happy in the next dimension; she wasn’t happy in this one.

    Happy Mother’s Day my dear! I’m having a cup of tea as I write this.

    Like

    • afish25 May 10, 2020 at 6:19 pm #

      I’ll join you in that tea Karen. The weird things our parents did to us and we handed down. I continue to make peace w myself as a mother. I’m sure my children have suffered. All I can do is love them today.

      Like

  4. Jack Scott May 11, 2020 at 3:52 am #

    I guess our mothers did the best they could, constrained as we all are by place, time and circumstance. Mother’s Day over here is always during Lent, so generally in March. Ironic really when you consider religion has become pretty much irrelevant for most Brits.

    Like

  5. Emilie May 13, 2020 at 11:07 am #

    My mother and I never did well. I suppose if I prove to anyone it would be to my grandmother. I know I prayed to her when I was younger

    Like

  6. Andrea May 13, 2020 at 7:35 pm #

    Wise words. I am not sure I am there yet.

    Like

    • afish25 May 13, 2020 at 7:59 pm #

      It takes time and the willingness to be humble.

      Like

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