You better take notes, because this is going to be a wild ride.
When I was born, my birth certificate read Alice (after my grandmother) Ann Hoeft. I started school and my mother insisted that the nuns call me Alice Ann. It was the same with any other person I met. She corrected them if they called me Alice. I’m sure she loved the name, but it never felt like me.
When I married in 1982, my husband wanted me to take his last name, as women for years have been convinced, is in their best interest. Thus I became Alice Ann Fisher.
When I came out, in my forties, I had had enough and legally changed my name to Alex. I loved it. No more explaining or correcting. Thus, Alex A Fisher was born. It is the name I have used for thirty years and is on my passport, driver’s license, bank accounts and social security card, etc. Most people in my life have never heard this story and know me only as Alex.
A few weeks ago I applied for a birth certificate from the State of New Jersey. That’s when the fun began. I understand that I must explain my name changes from birth to present. I have the legal document that changed my name from Alice to Alex. But I didn’t have a marriage certificate to support changing my name to Fisher. No problemo, I spoke to a lovely woman at Travis County Clerk’s Office in Texas and she sent me an official copy with gold star and raised seal.
I submitted the marriage document and a slew of other records to prove my identity to VITAL RECORDS ONLINE, the agency that screens for the State of New Jersey, my birth state. I almost immediately received an email stating that a Marriage License is NOT a Marriage Certificate which is required.
I called Travis County and another lovely clerk informed me that the document they sent me is in fact a marriage certificate and the only thing they have. Reading the document closely one clearly sees that a union was performed, signed by a judge and certified by the State of Texas.
I stated all this to Vital Records and they began to sound more like Broken Records. Since they weren’t reading my emails, I tried to call per their friendly “if you have any questions please call” phone number. Yeah, that didn’t work. After kindly telling me that there was a thirty minute wait and press ‘1’ for this and ‘2’ for that, I gave up trying to talk to a human being.
A few days later, I got another email from Vital Records telling me that I can submit the Marriage License but it may be rejected by NJ and asking how I wanted to proceed. I didn’t see any other option so I told them to continue.
It’s hard to express my frustration without using a lot of colorful language. Not much disturbs my peace these days, but this week was a doozie. It will take awhile before I find out if I get my birth certificate and don’t even ask me how much it all cost.
DOS TORTAS
the adventures of dos tortas 
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