My mother-in-law fell this week. To a degree I blame myself. Our car had been in the shop for ten days and we were beginning to run out of fresh food. Shopping list in hand, I called my taxi friend Franklin to meet us on the highway. Alice badly wanted to go and pick up some things, but mostly she was bored and wanted to get out of the house.
The short walk from our house to meet the taxi required skirting puddles due to recent intermittent showers. Our road is made from layers of sascab or decomposed limestone which is slick as snot after the rain. I was doing my best to walk along the outer dry edge and expected Alice to follow me. I should have been holding onto her. Then I heard an oomph.
Falling is so hard, literally and figuratively. I should know, I’ve done it enough. My first thought was to take her home. Once on her feet, Alice vehemently declared herself to be “OK”. I knew better, but wanted to avoid an argument. She can be quiet stubborn and vocal about getting her way.
At the grocery store she insisted on carrying her own heavy groceries until I put my foot down. Still she insisted that she was fine. The next day told a different story.
Alice didn’t break anything but there was definitely pain, bruising and regrets, both mine and hers. The end result, was an honest and vulnerable conversation about aging. Alice admitted to something we all experience, feeling younger and more capable than she is. She will be eighty in February. While some people are running marathons at eighty, Alice is not one of them. She is rather frail, as much as she prefers to believe otherwise.
We had a very honest talk. It is so easy to believe the messages that growing old equals worthlessness and being a burden. We begin to loose control as others make decisions for us, something no one likes.
Alice and I came to an agreement. When it comes to matters of health or injury, she will trust that Lisa and I have her best interest at heart. There will be no more arguments or fussing. This is a dance we all get to do. For me it’s important not to get scared but take one day at a time, keep the lines of communication open and most importantly, come from a place of love. We’ll all get through it together.
DOS TORTAS
the adventures of dos tortas 
Sorry to hear about the fall but ‘every cloud…’, as they say. Sounds like a frank and honest conversation was had which has to be the right approach.
LikeLike
I’ve been watching your videos of the property. It’s beautiful. You can pass along to Alice that I am envious. She’s so lucky to have a daughter and daughter-in-law that love and care for her. And that wanted her to come and live close by in her own little casita.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is sweet and she appreciates and tells us. I think she feels very blessed.
LikeLike
Very sorry about the fall, but it brought you to a much-needed conversation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It did. And we need to have more.
LikeLiked by 1 person